An Open Letter to My Past Self

Dear Me from Four Years Ago, 

 

    Hey there, bet you never thought you’d get a letter from your future self. Sometimes I wish I could go back to your age - young, excited, and definitely not 20 pounds heavier. I miss your long hair, but I don’t miss the dead ends and frizz. And I know I’m about to break the laws that Back to the Future taught us: telling you the future. 

    I know you’re super excited to go off to college, as you should be. Trust me, Kutztown is more than what you imagined it being in so many good ways. I know you’re ready to get started in your program of music education and learn how to be the best musician possible. It’s not going to end that way. 

    You’ll start off loving your major, and getting your heart broken by a fellow music education major. You’ll meet a girl who is the exact opposite of you and feel compelled to swallow your distaste and like her. Don’t do that. Stick to your guns and what your gut is telling you. Your first year will be a smooth transition. But try to practice more, you’ll thank me later. 

    It might seem scary at first, but you’ll go to counseling after your 4th breakup. Be proud of yourself for doing that. You won’t believe it then, but you’ll be much more positive and self-loving by the time you graduate. 

    Try to take every opportunity that comes your way. Perform. Participate. Excel. Do what you love, but venture out of your comfort zone. When the chance first comes, join the Student Government Board. Don’t pull your application because you might get into KU Orchestra. You won’t get into the ensemble and SGB is the best thing I’ve done while on campus and I regret not doing it sooner. It’s one of my only regrets I had while at KU. 

    You’re going to join a fraternity. Yes, you heard me correctly. It’s a music fraternity and you’re going to get two amazing little sisters. It’s not going to be easy while in SAI - you might feel not wanted, left out and like you don’t fit in. Those feelings will lessen over time, but do what I didn’t; speak your mind. Let others know how you feel and don’t play this emotion guessing game. Be forward with your thoughts, but in a conversational sense. 

    You’re going to give two recitals - okay, don’t sound shocked at that. It may seem daunting now, but it’ll be an amazing experience. Your Senior Recital is going to be one to remember, but try to relish the moment while it’s there, because it flies by. 

    Oh, you’re asking what I meant by you starting off loving your major? I’ll clarify. You’re going to have a growing doubt in your gut if teaching music is really what you want to do. Mom along with other professors will continue to push you to do so, but that doubt is still there and persistent. You’ll get a job being a tour guide, something I know you’ve wanted to do since your first summer tour of the university. You’re going to realize that you want to stay at the collegiate level, you love college life too much. Your first part of senior year is spent prepping for graduate applications for a music composition program, but you’re going to switch gears to staying at Kutztown for their Student Affairs in Higher Education Administration. It’s going to click. It’s the path you were meant to be on. 

    I’m not saying this to tell you to switch majors. I don’t regret being a music major, but this whole experience of college turns out much differently than what you originally expected. Be prepared to celebrate far away, and I’ll leave it at that. 

    If this didn’t damage the time continuum already, I’ll stop here to spare the universe. I just want you to know that in your darkest times, your true friends will present themselves. It won’t be all unicorns and rainbows and there’s going to be heartbreak, but you’ll survive. If you didn’t, I wouldn’t be telling you this. 

    Show your love for the university. You love Kutztown. Shout it from the rooftops girl, be proud of it, no matter who looks. 

 

        Sending Love, 

            The Better, Stronger Version of You