An open letter to the boy who made me change the way I think about myself:
Growing up, I always heard my mom tell me and all of my sisters that my father didn’t instill the high standards in us, just for us to date someone who comes along and makes you question your self worth. I always thought that what she was saying was just common sense and I didn’t get why she even thought that she needed to say that to us.
Years later, I was off on my own as a freshman in college, discovering a new found independence. I could do whatever I wanted without curfews and without having to ask for permission. I was invincible, or at least that’s what I thought. I started talking to someone and was just head over heals for him, I would do anything to be around him. As time went on we started “dating”, and I use the term dating loosely because our relationship consisted of me waiting around for him to text me at 11pm when he was blacked out drunk.
I was so wrapped up in the relationship and making him want to be with me to the point of losing sight of who I was, what I wanted and what I deserved. Every time he would break up with me to live out his college partying life, I waited around for him to realize that I was what he wanted. I had lowered my standards to meet his and just constantly took emotional beatings from him. Trying to convince someone that you are worthy enough for them is not what I expected I’d ever be doing. I came from a family where I knew I was always enough. I had a great dad that did everything for me, my mom, and my sisters. My dad was my hero and my biggest fan.
After a year of the relationship tearing me down, my dad said to me “What did I do so wrong that made you end up allowing some boy to treat you like this? I didn’t give you the world, just to have some kid take it away form you.” At that time it clicked, why do I need to prove my worth to someone that will never treat me the way I deserve. I was sticking around because I was accepting the love I thought I deserved. From that moment forward, I told myself that never again would I let someone in who would jeopardize the way I think about myself. At the end of the day, I’m going to thank that boy because he not only made me stronger, he made me realize that I don’t need to prove my worth to anyone.