No means no. I’m going to keep this short because it shouldn’t be that hard to understand and I know it’s a touchy subject.
Everyone probably remembers that dreaded online course that we had to take before entering our freshman year of college. We were given lessons on drugs, alcohol, and sex. After completing the course, there was a test. Even though passing the test was a requirement for everyone, something must’ve been left out or misunderstood. I am not sure if some men understand that no means no.
A recent trend that I have noticed is what I’m going to call false consent. If you’re wondering how there can be such a thing, here is how: some men just won’t take no for an answer. That doesn’t necessarily mean that he is blatantly ignoring your rejection. A lot of times it seems like he’s listening, he’s going to drop it, and things are fine. After a little while passes, he might try to initiate things again, prompting you to still decline. He might say, “okay,” and again things are fine, but men are pushy. After three or more attempts, you might even just say it outright: “I don’t want to have sex with you.”
You’d think that would be the end of it because, again, no means no. I think what some men hear instead is, “try again later.” As sad as that sounds, it is true. I know of different women, different circumstances, who have had similar experiences, even sometimes with someone that they have been dating. After being pushed over and over again, giving in is easy. You might give consent falsely because you are tired and frustrated. If consent is given after so many times of saying no, how can a man be comfortable knowing that the only reason he gets what he wants is because he is overly insistent? You might be thinking that instead of giving false consent, the easy thing to do is have him leave. This isn’t always the case, depending on the situation. False consent is not consent at all, and it’s important that we’re taught that from the start.
So, to all of the women who have experienced a similar situation or might in the future, just say no. Keep saying no. Don’t give into any pressure. Make him leave if it comes down to it and be strong.
Lastly, to all the men who keep trying and insisting: