The day you came into my life was the greatest day of my life. For so many years, I had dreamed about your arrival and eagerly awaited your existence. When you became mine, my heart grew two sizes. I never thought that I could love someone as much as I love you, but I was so wrong. Every day that I get to spend with you is the best day of my life. Your smile is infectious. I have watched you grow from the most adorable baby to such a lovable child and I love bragging about you to everyone I know. You are the light of my life and every day that I have spent with you has been a gift.
Nobody could tell me what was happening. Everyone was confused and there were no answers. Children were running out to their parents and crying and so many families were coming together. I kept waiting for you. I don’t know how long I stood there, but every second felt like eternity. Someone said that people had been shot. Others said that people had died. I didn’t know where you were and I started to panic. No one could tell me where you were and why you weren’t running into my arms. I fought my way into the crowd and finally found a police officer. I asked him if he had seen you, if he knew where you were. He asked me if I was your mother and I said of course that’s my baby in there. He pulled me aside and held my hands. He had a look in his eye that made me realize I would never hold you again. All the time that we had spent together had come to a screeching halt and I had lost the best part of my life.
I lost you to something that I had no control over. No matter how hard I screamed, no matter how much I pleaded for change, no one ever seemed to hear me. I know that so many others tried to use their voices for good, but it didn’t matter. Help didn’t come in time for you. Some person came across a gun – I don’t know how and I don’t care how, but I know what they did with it. They took you away from me. They took away the life you could’ve had. I wish everyday that I could watch you get married, earn your college degree and have children yourself. All I know is if that person didn’t have a gun, this wouldn’t have happened to you. All the days since you were taken from me have been a daze. Nothing will ever be the same. I can’t find the energy to smile anymore and I wonder everyday if I’ll ever find happiness again.
My child, I’m so sorry that I couldn’t help you. No matter what I did, it didn’t matter. Everyone always tells me that they’re sorry and that they miss you, but they’ll never understand. I hope that in the last moments you had, that you thought about how much I love you because even though everything else is gone, that will never change. I hope you find peace in a world that couldn’t find it for you.