I am afraid to be like my mom.
I was very close to my mom when I was younger, we did everything together and I would lay out my entire day, holding nothing back as I grew up. She was always there for me and as I watched other friends families go through divorces, I was thankful that my family loved each other. All of this changed in my freshman year of high school.
My grandmother was diagnosed Bipolar Schizophrenic when she was in her thirties and in the past few years, my family has seen similar features in my mom. She was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at a young age, just like me, but there is something else lingering just beneath the surface. Recently, I have seen someone that looks like my mom, sounds like my mom and walks like my mom but is not mentally my mom. This terrifies me. Often she will tell my brothers and I the annoyances of our neighbors, the way everyone is after her, the pain she is constantly being subjected to even though doctors can find nothing physically wrong with her. Seeing your mother deteriorate while you are supposed to be having the best years of your life in college is something you cannot quite fathom until you have lived it. I have often expressed my concerns to friends and family that one day I will become just like my mom. I have so many goals for my future, so much I strive to live for and see, and I do not want to be held back.
To everyone out there that is afraid to be like their parents, I understand and know, you are nothing like them. You are you and no one else. I know this sounds cliché but that is the best piece of advice that has gotten me to where I am today. Anything I succeed in is something I did myself because I wanted it and when I fail, I know to pick myself back up and try again. I am a good student, I have wonderful friends and all the love and support I could ever need, there is no reason to live in fear of something that may never even happen.