Since I can remember I always thought I needed a boyfriend. I never wanted to be alone and I always needed to have a boy to talk to. I was miserable. When your happiness is so dependent on someone else you don’t realize how much power you are giving that person to hurt you. I was mistreated and disrespected again and again by the same guys that I thought I needed in my life. I’m not sure when it happened, but something finally clicked in my head. I realized how happy I could be on my own.
The past few years have been so hard on me emotionally. It was draining being so in love with the idea of being in love. Why did I think I had to stay with these guys who were making me so upset all the time? How could I be in love with someone who lets me cry myself to sleep at night? I was not in love with them, I just couldn’t face being alone. I was in and out of therapy and put on medication to help me manage the way these boys made me feel. Although that helped me a lot, nothing has felt better than taking a break from unhealthy relationships and learning to take care of myself.
I went all summer without having a boyfriend or any boys in my life. It was incredibly refreshing. At first, I felt a little lost and even depressed, but as time went on I gained self-confidence and started to love the way I felt. After always feeling like I didn’t deserve to be treated better by these guys for so long, I finally realized my worth. I know that being alone is scary, but I promise it is worth the struggle in the end. It is better to be alone than to be with someone who does not appreciate you.
Now that I’m back at school for my senior year of college, I’m ready to embrace being independent. Unfortunately, my ex is living next door to me and as easy as it would be to just get back together with him, I know I am happier on my own. I can go out to the bar and dance and have fun with my friends without thinking twice about what anyone else is doing. Once you learn how to be happy on your own, no one can ever take that away from you.