How I Grew Through Solitary

Throughout the last few months I have noticed myself becoming increasingly isolated from those around me, until recently though this was not voluntary. I felt as though nobody wanted to be around me, whenever I would ask my friends to hang out they would either be busy or hanging out with other people. Well that or they would “forget” to invite me. This was extremely hurtful, and as I assumed it was because they didn’t like me. It felt like the entire world was against me, but in reality it was a blessing in disguise. Even after being quarantined, which came with an abundance of introspection, I still needed a bit more time with myself, which I wasn’t aware of at the time. 

This forced isolation that I put myself in was essential to my personal growth. It was the closest I could get to solitude. The last few weeks I have been around the same 5 people, however, most of the time I was alone. During this time, I explored new hobbies and worked a ton. Although this period of solitude has been lonely and difficult, it allowed me to create a strict schedule for myself. I exercised extensively nearly everyday, ate well, and caught up on sleep, which I lack greatly during the semester. However, I fear that I will struggle to socialize as the semester begins. I’m not sure if anyone else can relate, but when quarantine lifted, for some reason I couldn’t socialize as well as I could pre-COVID. This could be viewed as almost a second quarantine for me, except with lots of gym visits and endless shifts at work. 

In addition to this isolation being positive on me mentally, physically, and spiritually, it has also shown me how being a real adult feels. During these last few weeks, I have worked probably more than I have in my entire life. Sometimes this was exhausting, but it definitely gave me a taste of what I’m in store for after college. I found myself questioning whether I’m taking the right career path or if college is even right for me. Then again, everyone has these lapses in judgment once in a while. However, this was the first time I genuinely asked myself what my purpose is. I do not quite have an answer, but asking myself these questions is a great start to understanding who I am as a person, what exactly I want out of life, and who I wish to surround myself with. I still have time to grow and develop, I just wonder whether it will continue to be on my own.