Very recently, I lost my beloved black cat, Jasmine, at the old age of 19. She thankfully passed peacefully in her sleep surrounded by love. As happy as I am that she went without pain, I was devastated. I had her since I was two years old, and I felt a little lost. How could I move on from not having her in my life?
As it’s only been a few days, I don’t have all of the answers. I’ve dealt with losing pets before, but this hit so much differently. We were expecting it because her health was slowly declining, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.
One of the things I’ve been learning on how to deal with this loss is to cry a lot. The weekend she passed was one of the hardest weekends in recent memory. I checked on her constantly, and gave her all the love and care I could muster, and I just cried. Anything that weekend would make me break down. Even her lifting her head–something she couldn’t do often with how weak she was–and looking at me was enough. The day before she passed, she gave me one last ‘mew’ and I couldn’t take it.
Something I’ve been realizing with this pain is that I just need to ride it out. When the tears and the tightness of my throat comes, I need to allow it to crash down on me. I allow myself time to let my emotions flow until the pain has subsided.
It also helps me to reminisce on her life with us. I look at her photos and videos I have saved of her a lot, and while it does bring tears, it brings me smiles too. I like to talk about her, because she was the sweetest, cuddliest cat ever. One story I have of her is that when I was in middle school, she swallowed a sewing needle and my parents rushed her to the emergency vet to get it surgically removed. She was fine after that, but her personality did a 180. Before this incident, she was skittish. She didn’t want much to do with us, but after this, she became the sweet cat I’ve known her to be.
I still struggle going even a day without tears, but I know she’s happier. The day she passed, I got her paw print taken with ink so that I can get it tattooed on me. While I still have three other cats in my life that I adore, she was an amazing cat and I can’t wait to always have her with me. For now, when I go home to visit my parents and my other cats, I’ll find Jasmine buried in our small garden next to the ginkgo tree.
This isn’t to say this is how everyone deals with loss, but this is how I do it. If you lost someone in your life, I hope you’re doing well to cope with it.