Sometimes it’s a boardwalk that stretches for miles in the wrong direction
Sometimes it’s a metal slide on the playground that cuts up the backs of your legs
At no times, though
Is it a staircase
You cannot go up for so long without stumbling
And if you get too high
Your legs will start to tremble
There’s clouds below you but you know you’re not safe yet
And there’s no railing to hold onto
Because you’ve pushed them all away
The climb will take years either way
If you fall
Because you’ve gotten this far only by the strength in the roots of your hair
And the people sleeping in the next room
And the life that waits for you at the top
Like white lights reflecting off a wedding band
and watering plants in a home you’ve filled with love
not the acrid smoke scent of childhood
the air is so clear you can taste it so you climb one more stair
Without looking down
Because you can’t look down and you can’t look back
So you move forward
but you know that even if you make it
you’ll dream of the long expanse of the staircase
and the night you could have fallen
you’re moving towards a life of what ifs
But it’s not a staircase because you’ve been on the same path for so long
8 years that feel like 80
nights spent sitting in a cold shower
and drinking in a car in a 2 am parking lot
There are still bruises on your heart
and your skin
And Damn the people that think its easy
To climb or to move or to
Heal