As graduation is just a few short days away, I am feeling a wide range of emotion. It seems like only yesterday that I was moving into my freshman dorm, about to learn from all of the inevitable mistakes that I have made. Now I’m here, four years of college later and about to enter the infamous “real world”. The only way that I can try to understand or process the way I am feeling is when I compare this constant state of instability to the five stages of grief.
Denial- I think I’m perpetually embracing the denial of what will happen on May 13th, 2017. Denial now. Denial then. Denial after. Right now, I am wondering if I will ever NOT be in denial. When people ask, “Are you excited to graduate?” my response is initially “uhhhhh” followed by “not really” and a few awkward laughs. Don’t ask me that. I’m not at the acceptance phase yet. It is a very triggering question at the moment.
Anger- Right now my anger stems from not having time to have a life these next few days due to the demands of course work/student teaching. I have neglected so many opportunities to be with friends due to the need to stay motivated.
Bargaining- Bargaining at this stage in the game is basically me wishing there were more hours in the day. I value putting time and effort into my work, but I would also like to enjoy the festivities in the coming days. You only graduate once!
Depression- YUP. Student loans start in 6 months. Need I say more? I will miss the relationships I have built within the community composed of my peers and my professors. I will miss walking around our beautiful campus. I will miss my independence, my carefree attitude and, most of all, being within walking distance to all of my friends.
Acceptance- Refer to denial.