On Labor Day weekend, I had the distinct honor of writing for the Writing Wrongs organization on a subject that is very important to me. Each year, Writing Wrongs gathers a team of student writers, photographers, and graphic designers to interview individuals looking to share their stories with a broader audience. This year’s topic was sexual assault and domestic violence. We spent our weekend interviewing survivors who recounted their stories with unflinching bravery. The experience was heartbreaking, yet empowering. We were able to share stories which otherwise may not have been told or heard.
I will never forget that weekend and the incredible team I worked with. In just a short weekend, we felt like a family who had known one another for decades. It is with honor and privilege that I share one of the pieces I wrote for our book. This is the story of Yessenia Blanco, whose story moved me in ways I cannot fully express. The violence exacted on her body and spirit is deplorable. As a culture, we can and should do better to protect the women in our lives. Domestic violence is an ongoing issue. If we want to bring about any sort of change, we need to challenge the systems and structures that breed and encourage violence in the souls of men and women across our nation. None of this happens in a vacuum. Yessenia Blanco provided me a bright ray of hope. She refuses to let her experience strip her of her spirit and works every day to help women who may be in similar situations as hers. Please read her story—it more than deserves to be told.
“A Chorus No Longer Silenced”
Resilience is the word Yessenia Blanco uses to describe her story and experiences with domestic violence. She is calm and collected, initially expressing interest in Writing Wrongs and its goals for this year. Her inquiry shows the candor and gentleness of her overall demeanor. No one would expect from her smile the horrors that she has experienced in her life.
Blanco, 34, shares her story as a way to help others who have faced domestic violence. “Everybody has their own perceptions that are so far away from reality,” is how she begins the conversation, immediately staking her position in the conversation. She wants people to know that there is so much more to a survivor’s story. The systems and structures that exist and perpetuate violence between partners need to be challenged.
Within her first marriage, she felt as though there was a tension between “who I was and what he believed I was.” She wasn’t aware of the signs that would lead to eventual violent behavior; she just assumed it was how the relationship should work. While growing up in El Salvador, cultural narratives taught her the purpose of the wife was to serve the “macho man” husband, and while coming to America taught her that these ideas are not wholly acceptable, she feels that some things are just too hard to unlearn.
Events came to a head in their relationship when he one night flung a chair at her head, almost harming her daughter as well. This was when she knew she needed to get away. At the time, she had been working as a case manager for families in similar situations as hers, but she couldn’t see the red flags in her own relationship until the violence manifested. Shortly after the incident, she escaped from her husband but wasn’t entirely away from the situation.
“It will often take up to 10 times for the victim to leave,” a terrifying figure, but very true to many experiences. Blanco discusses the many factors that color this statistic: financial constraints, fear of violence, and safety. These factors often bring victims back to the danger.
She returned to her first husband a few times, but ultimately found solace in her second relationship many years later. He made her feel safe — as though she could fly — wrapped up in a euphoria that can trap survivors in another abusive situation. Within this relationship, the abuse was more subtle, far harder to pick up than physical violence. “It’s about control,” she says. The ultimate goal of the abuser is being in control of how their partner lives their life.
At this time, Blanco returned to law school, so she could help others more than the advocacy she previously participated in. Her job as a case manager was earning her a healthy amount of money, while her husband was having some trouble trying to find work. The couple ultimately decided to have her husband stay home and look after their daughters while she worked. It would turn out that this was not the best decision.
She began to notice that basic household chores were not being attended to. Upon arriving home, she would be expected to make dinner because “that’s what a wife does.” One day she decided to open up over the phone to her “church mother,” a woman who was always helpful to Blanco after leaving her first husband. Blanco felt as though she was complaining about her husband’s lack of help.
Her husband later confronted her, asking why she shared their issues with her friend. How could he have known they were speaking to one another? As it turns out, he had downloaded software on her phone that monitored her phone calls and text messages; this software was rather complex for 2011.
Naturally this news upset her, prompting Blanco to want to seek counseling. However, her husband felt as though he didn’t need any help, and there was nothing wrong with his wanting to keep tabs on his wife. She would not stand for this behavior and resolved to separate if he would not change. This fueled his rage and resentment more.
Shortly after this event, Blanco attended a work party to welcome some levity from their issues. She allowed herself to drink and have some fun but received a rather worrisome text message from her husband when she hadn’t answered his calls. A co-worker drove her home. Almost immediately following her return, her husband took her keys and phone, and his fist met her cheek. Then it came again and again and again. “He must have planned it all out,” she recalls, not realizing how he cornered her for his attack. He threw her against furniture and beat her to the point of death, threatening to kill her if she screamed.
When she awoke, she was surrounded by paramedics. The damage to her body was substantial, but how his violence affected her brain is the true horror. She needed a doctor for every part of her body, including speech therapists, dental professionals, orthopedic surgeons, and even neurologists. Her church mother would drive her to appointments and errands because she could barely get around on her own. Confined to walkers and other aids, Blanco was realizing that her life would never be the same again. While her husband had not killed her spirit, she would never be the same person again.
Her memory is the biggest worry. While doctors had recommended that she rest her brain to prevent further damage from taking place, she had no choice but to work. She is now a single mother trying to keep her family financially stable. Though she was warned that overstimulation would cause her to lose large portions of her memory, she has had little choice because there aren’t many resources for survivors of domestic violence.
Despite these issues, her faith and resilience have kept her fighting for her “new normal.” She has utilized her work experiences to seek out activism and social work in the state of Pennsylvania to help other survivors. She cited organizations like the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence, the Lancaster County Domestic Violence Service, and the Office of Victim Advocacy, to name a few. These are all organizations that offer resources of all kinds to help survivors, as well as victims, to try and distance them from the danger.
When asked what words she may want to share with other survivors and victims, she immediately stated “There is always a way out. There are always people who are willing to help; whether it is a church or local shelter, people will always help you.” Blanco’s story joins a chorus of women who are affected by domestic violence, but she will not allow herself to be silenced.