Why Friendships in Your 20s Feel So Complicated

In the midst of the social media world, we’re constantly confronted with perfectionism: the perfect holiday, the perfect job, the perfect apartment – and of course, the perfect friends. While we may feel genuinely happy for others to have all of this, it often leaves us with a pang of jealousy. 

From High school comfort to college uncertainty

Friendship in middle and high school felt much simpler. You saw classmates every day in school, shared routines and grew up together. Then college hit. Suddenly those “forever” friendships from high school fizzle out, and despite there being thousands of people around you, you feel incredibly lost. This fading can be painful, especially if you thought a friendship was your ride or die. Often, though, it isn’t personal – people move, schedules clash, and life paths diverge. Finding new friendships is a natural consequence, but why does it feel so hard?

Part of the challenge is that by your 20s, you’ve already experienced loss, rejection, and change. You’re also more self-conscious. When a 5-year-old kid falls over it’s no biggie, but slip down an icy staircase now, and you’ll replay it in your head for days. That same self-awareness makes it harder to open up—yet vulnerability is what creates deep bonds.

I know we all wish for our best friends to manifest in front of us, say ‘I want to be friends’, and stick around with us forever. That, unfortunately, only happens in movies or as a kindergartener. To form meaningful connections, you need to go out there and find them. And that can feel incredibly scary and daunting. But let me tell you, you are not the only one. In fact, when interviewed, a lot of people say that they crave intimate friendships and are unable to find them.

why friendships matter so much

So why do friendships seem so important in our lives? Sure, everybody wants to find their soulmate/love of their life since that is suggested to us in every romance movie. But why do almost all of us have this craving for meaningful friendships? Studies have shown that friendships and deep connections  boost mental health, reduce stress and help you live longer. So yes, it makes total sense to want to have those besties for life.

how to find your people

That begs the question: How do we find those people who brighten our day? The best way to find people is by finding yourself. As cliché as it sounds, being your authentic self is the best way to attract meaningful connections. What do you really enjoy doing? Climbing? Baking? Maybe crochet? Join a local group or take a class. Maybe you won’t meet your soulmate friend right away, but you’ll enjoy yourself in the process. To truly connect, you’ll need to leave your comfort zone, but you can do so in spaces that bring you joy.

Maybe forming connections has always carried challenges. What has changed is visibility. Social media puts a greater light on others’ friendships and makes them look perfect, which can create the illusion that our own bonds don’t measure up. In all honesty, I think the process of building deep, lasting friendships has never been simple – but it has always been worth it.

Friendships don’t manifest overnight. They take a lot of effort, shared experiences and quite some ups and downs to form. You’re not alone in this search and many people crave deep connection. The important thing is to keep showing up for yourself, because that’s where the most meaningful bonds begin.

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• #college
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