Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and if you’ve got someone to spend it with, then chances are you’re at least a bit worried about how to make it special. Should you keep it classic and go for a nice romantic dinner and a movie? Or maybe think outside the box and go for something different, like a picnic? Regardless, whatever you pick will still be better than any of these locations:
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1. A landfill
Nothing says “I really like and treasure you as a person” like a romantic date at the landfill, right? I’m kidding, I’m not that clueless, I swear. Seriously, don’t take that special someone to the landfill. However, if you’re looking for a creatively punny yet cruel way to dump someone, then take ‘em to the landfill, insert some horrible pun about taking out the trash, and sashay away. (Please don’t do this, no one deserves to be dumped on Valentine’s Day.)
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2. Strip club
If you REALLY want to go outside the box, I guess the strip club could work. However, chances are you’re not gonna have enough money for a nice dinner afterwards because you and your date were too caught up in making it rain on Cinnamon/Diamond/Whatever-Her-Name-Is.
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3. Laundromat
There’s nothing romantic about chores, let alone chores done in a public space where everyone can see you. “Ooh, baby, insert that quarter.” “I like the way you fold that dress shirt.” “That’s right, you put that detergent in there, naughty boy.” Please no.
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4. King’s Landing
Please don’t go to King’s Landing. You might somehow end up working at a brothel. Or you might abandon each other to go to said brothel. Maybe you’ll get caught in a commoner uprising. Better yet, you just might get executed. (Thanks, Joffrey.)
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5. Abandoned warehouse
Valentine’s Day is a day to be all lovey-dovey with your special someone, not get killed by some psycho with your special someone. Or worse, killed by some psycho that IS your special someone. Plus, abandoned warehouses are super creepy and if you’re anything like me, you’re gonna end up crying and wetting your pants, and that is the polar opposite of romantic.
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6. Police station
A police station is one of those places that you end up at rather than choosing to go to, and you most certainly don’t want to end up here. Please don’t go all Bonnie and Clyde with your date. A crime spree is not exactly an ideal way to spend time with your significant other, especially on Valentine’s Day. I’m pretty sure that the couple that gets arrested together doesn’t stay together.