What He Really Means When He Calls His Exes Crazy

We’ve all met the guy who believes he was never at fault in a relationship. You know, the one who bashes his exes every chance he gets and insists that every single one of them are “crazy.” Sure, there are always going to be a few crazies out there that held stakeouts by his apartment after he ghosted them. But do you really think ALL of his exes were stalkers? Probably not. When he says his ex was crazy, he REALLY means is:

She had trust issues. Everyone comes with baggage, and oftentimes that baggage includes trust issues that a previous boyfriend gave them. When you’ve put all of your heart and care into somebody only for them to break promises, lie or otherwise ruin your trust, it’s fair that they might have some reservations about starting a new relationship. People with trust issues aren’t broken, they just need someone who is patient enough to take it slow. Which this guy obviously isn’t, so bye.

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She asked him to help her around the house. If they lived together, chances are they debated how to tackle chores so that one wasn’t always cleaning his shavings out of the sink or pulling her hair out of the drain. But if he expected her to do all of the work and got mad when she didn’t? He’s the crazy one. There is no reason for a grown woman to clean up after someone who can’t figure out how to aim at a toilet.

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She wouldn’t do his laundry. While she probably understood that he needed his “lucky drawers” for his big boy job interview coming up, she probably couldn’t stomach the fact that he will have a 401k before he will do his own laundry.

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She wanted to get off. Every girl knows the pain that is watching a guy get his during sex without ever getting hers. Unfortunately, that happens way more than it should. Like, 99 percent more than it should. If he says his ex is crazy, he might mean, “She always wanted to make sure she got to orgasm too, and I was too lazy for that sh*t.” For the love of womankind, stay away.

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She wanted to know where he was on a Friday night. When you enter a relationship, you are committing a reasonable amount of your time and self to another person. While it is never okay to control someone or their actions, it is fair to want to know what’s going on when he stood you up for your date night but his snapchats feature a marquee sign that reads, “ASSJAMZ.”

She wanted to put a label on it. There are plenty of girls who are fine with a no-strings-attached type of relationship. There are others who are not. If a guy doesn’t want to make a girl his automatic plus one, he needs to be straightforward about his wants from beginning to end. There’s nothing crazy about a girl expecting a label when the dude is treating her like his girlfriend. Letting a girl keep her toothbrush at your place is breaking the first rule of being friends with benefits.

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She actually wanted to watch Netflix. First of all, “Netflix and chill” is not a date. It’s what you do when you’re two months into a relationship and you’re both too broke to go see a movie. This guy probably invited her over to watch Netflix and put his hand on her thigh, to which she told him he had two options: to keep his grimy hands to himself while they watch conspiracy theory documentaries or to let the door hit him on the way out. This girl is the hero we deserve. Friend her on Facebook and swap documentary suggestions.

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She said the dress was blue and black. Look, bro, it was proven that the dress was sold online in blue and black before this whole thing blew up. This guy would probably try to preach about some bullsh*t science “facts” he read on Uberfacts’s twitter. You’re too smart for that. You deserve better.

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