I’m a big fan of experiments. Specifically, experiments involving people. Even more specifically, experiments involving dating and boys.
After long, tireless months of trying to keep up with games I’ve never been interested in playing a part in, I came to a simple, yet very uncommon solution to my issues: cut the games all together. How, you ask? By deleting messages, unfriending on Snapchat and Facebook, unfollowing on Instagram and Twitter, and even in some unfortunate circumstances, blocking.
At first, I could barely get myself to click the buttons. I felt rude for choosing not to be a part of someone’s life and like I was erasing part of mine. Except, after reflecting on my motivations, I came to the realization that it was for my own sanity, clarity, and saneness. And I’m telling you now: looking out for yourself and your own mental health is not only justified, it’s encouraged. Some steps may be difficult, but many can be very healthy and rewarding in the long run.
So, here’s how it went. I no longer have any guys on Snapchat besides my brother, uncle, gay friends, and non-threatening guy friends that I have no attraction to. I post Snapchat stories and save myself from swiping up on my story to check what guys have viewed it, only for me to be left disappointed. And, best of all, I avoid late night snaps that deprived me from my sleep.
Additionally, I stopped getting spontaneous texts that kept me holding onto flings by their non-existent thread. I was no longer tempted to send those cringey “I miss you” texts that I would soon regret. I didn’t even have an option to send those three words because I no longer knew of phone numbers. I didn’t scroll through old conversations that were motivated by feelings that are now dead and gone. Deleted conversations kept me from missing something or someone that I knew deep down didn’t fit into my life.
I nixed any temptation that could arise from seeing a post of these guys looking fine as ever with their new puppy or cute nieces and nephews. I also destroyed the possibility of my heart sinking due to coming across images that insinuate that they got back with their ex or are living it up with the hottie from history class. At the end of the day, none of that matters. None of it is applicable to my life.
Might I add, something about not seeing their Twitter favorites, tweets, and retweets is extremely freeing.
None of these boys’ current lives are relevant to mine. They do not benefit to my success, happiness, sleep cycle or phone battery life.
It seems as if I’m rambling, but I think this experiment and article was just as much for me as it is for you. I needed to reiterate my motivations and the realizations that this experiment lead me to in order to confirm that my decisions to choose myself and stop wasting time on the past was one of the best choices I could have made.
I’m publically promising to myself that this experiment is no longer just that. Instead, it’s my new permanent plan. I will not cave. I will not unblock, refollow, re-friend, add back, and try to mess with fate. God has a plan, the universe has a plan, your life is still being written. Be open to new possibilities. I’m giving God and His timing the reins. No incredible love is forced. It’s not possible to hold onto feelings that have dissipated.
For the past two months, I have spent my time more wisely. I have been able to soak up information in lectures, have deep, meaningful conversations with close friends about fascinating topics that do not include dating and boys, take time to learn about myself, and observe the beautiful world around me and all the incredible people that live on it with me.
I choose to focus on myself and broadening my horizons until God brings my person into my life. And I can guarantee it’s not a guy from my past.
Patience, friends. Patience. Lord knows we could all use a whole lot more of it.
Until next time, xoxo