Social media has changed the way we see ourselves, whether we realize it or not. With a click of a button, we can present a version of our lives that feels polished, exciting, and put-together. We choose the photos where we look happiest and the moments that feel worth sharing. But while curating our online presence can be fun, it raises the age-old question: are we the same people on social media as we are in real life?
In reality, most of us are not being dishonest online. We’re just being selective. Social media tends to showcase highlights rather than the full picture. People post about promotions, relationships, vacations, and personal milestones, but very rarely the moments of insecurity, boredom, or self-doubt that exist in between. When we scroll through these carefully chosen moments, it becomes easy to forget that we are only seeing fragments of someone’s life, not the whole story.
The Comparison Trap
This selective storytelling is one reason comparison can be so damaging. We often measure our everyday experiences against someone else’s best moments. Sometimes we have messy routines, unfinished goals, and quiet struggles that start to feel insufficient when placed next to the perfectly framed and confident photos of someone else. But the problem isn’t that others are doing exceptionally well. It’s that we sometimes assume their online presence is an adequate measure of their entire reality. Then we judge ourselves based on everything we know about our own lives.
When we compare this way, it’s obviously not fair. We are placing our unfiltered reality next to someone else’s edited presentation, and then wondering why we feel like we’re falling short. It’s like evaluating your entire semester based solely on your lowest test score, while assuming everyone else’s grades are made up only of their highest marks.
Why We Love the “Fall from Grace”
Interestingly, this idea connects to why so many people enjoy reality television. Part of the appeal lies in watching people who seem powerful, glamorous, or “perfect” face conflict or failure. When celebrities or influencers stumble, it reminds us that not everything we see is necessarily real. There is a sort of comfort in seeing the cracks behind the polished image. Reality TV gives us what social media often does not: the messiness, mistakes, and vulnerability of people who we think better of us.
In a strange way, those moments of imperfection are extremely satisfying to us. They disrupt the illusion of others having a flawless life. We get to see them at their worst, which can make us feel better about our worst moments. Because seeing someone else struggle weirdly makes our problems feel minuscule.
Rebuilding a Healthier Self-Image
Recognizing the difference between someone’s highlight reel and their full reality is an important step towards developing a healthier self-image. Social media is not inherently harmful, but it is incomplete. It’s someone’s best moment posted, not a documentary about their life. Remembering this can help us approach it with more balance and kindness toward ourselves.
The next time you feel yourself beginning to compare, it may help to ask yourself who you’re really comparing yourself to. Most of the time, we compare ourselves to a curated moment. And when we realize that, it becomes easier to give ourselves grace. Real life is made up of growth, uncertainty, and moments that don’t make it in our posts. Embracing this truth allows us to see ourselves (and others) with more compassion. At the end of the day, each of us is doing our best, on and off screen.