Listen up, ladies!!! There are no rules to dating. Actually, let me rephrase that- people like to make up rules for dating because no one knows what the hell they’re doing and it makes people feel more comfortable if they believe there are guidelines out there that guarantee success in finding their person. Well, there are not (except for maybe Matthew Hussey’s rules & advice, you should really listen to him).
Generally speaking, there are no certain commandments and regulations that can find you guaranteed success in the daunting game of dating. Lemme repeat that for the girls distracted by their dating playbook in the back, there are no rules! Get it? Got it? Good. I just want to get that out of the way before I discuss something that everyone avoids like the plague- the sole response that every dating advice book & dating guru guarantee won’t happen to you if you follow their rules. What might it be you ask? REJECTION!!!!!! (Gasp!)
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Why is everyone so freaking afraid of rejection? It’s getting a little extreme. It is so much more satisfying to go after who you want and know the truth about how they feel about you rather than sitting at home on your hands with your mouth shut, writing “what if” stories in your head for hours, days, even months on end. What a WASTE of your precious time!
Want to know something really crazy? You will never get what you want unless you seek it persistently. This includes the man of your dreams. Who gives a flying fuck if you believe he’s out of your league? That mindset is hindering you from your potential love story. In fact, maybe he thinks you’re out of his league?! Let me tell you… there have been many guys who I thought at first (biiiig mistake) were out of my league… and you know what? I went on dates with them, had flings with them! How? Because I know my worth and used confidence (which is sometimes fake but no one knows the difference) to demonstrate that I know I’m a queen and that they would regret not appreciating & taking advantage of the time they have with me.
I’m not saying you won’t get rejected. I’m not saying that you won’t get ghosted… that’s a whoooollleee other discussion. But what you will get is your answer. A “yes” or a“no.” Either “I want to pursue you” or “I don’t.” And you need to accept their answer. That is the only way you will be able to move on, whether moving on means with that person by your side and not questioning why they are interested in YOU, or moving on without them and not allowing yourself to ask your mind and your heart “why…?” “Why not me?” “What’s wrong with me?”.
Nothing is wrong with you. You are you. And you will most likely never get the answer as to why they didn’t choose you, nor do you need it, because it’s not going to change the outcome of their answer.
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Damn. It just got real. Tough love baby, tough love. Hey, I’m just saving you time and tears, my dear friends.
And you know what else? I have told every guy I’ve had feelings for in my lifetime that I have had feelings for them. I am pretty damn proud of that. I have never had to wonder, and they have never had to wonder, because their time is just as valuable as mine. Yes, I am still single and yes, I have had my fair share of rejection. That’s okay! I am closer to finding my king and have never had to wonder about what could have been. I’m also pretty positive that after being the first one in the relationship to be transparent and to not feel afraid to be honest, the guys all thought “Damn…I wish I was that ballsy, that confident,” regardless of their emotional feelings towards me.
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The crazy thing is… I’ve had some of the most successful, attractive guys tell me that they are “afraid of rejection” and wish they were “more like me” in the sense that I am straight up with everyone (because at the end of the day that is what both parties deserve). That’s not to toot my own horn, it’s to encourage you. You can leave a relationship or discussion on top… even if you were rejected. Why? Because you were the first one to be brave enough to be transparent and vulnerable. Guys, people in general, don’t meet those kinds of people frequently. And from that day on, when they think of you, they’ll think of a badass bitch who isn’t afraid of anything. Because that’s what you are, and you’re welcome. You won’t be forgotten.
Be your own queen of making bold moves. Got get what you want by shooting your shot! It makes life interesting to say the least. ;) xoxo