I feel like in the past year or so, I have been quietly observing trends as they rise and fall in our society. Some I’ve joined in participating (watching the Bachelor), others I wouldn’t have even bet 4 cents that they would have stayed around longer than a week (looking at you, low-rise jeans).
Something else I’ve noticed: pressures and demands. This is no surprise; it seems the world is always pushing us towards something whether it’s how we should feel, what we should do, how we should look, etc. Lastly, the clichés have got. To. Stop. Sometimes it just sickens me to watch people be unoriginal, but that’s not the basis of this article, although it very well and easily could be, so we’ll come back to that another day. Maybe. Regardless of my selectiveness to participate in trends, fall under the pressures of society, there are a few of each that I REFUSE to be roped into joining.
1. The Keto Diet
Alright, I’d like to first let you all know I know LITERALLY EVERYTHING about food and nutrition and all bodies are the same and react to diets/food/amounts of exercise the EXACT same, so if you think anything I’m about to say here is wrong, then, you’re insane because I am a registered dietician and also I’m completely kidding and don’t yell at me if I say something wrong about macros and nutrients in this because we obviously all have different types of bodies/food sensitivities, and it’s up to you how you care for your body. :)
BUT IN MY OPINION,
I can’t stand the keto diet. At first I was like, okay, I’m listening and now I’m so annoyed with just hearing the word “keto”, or worse, “ketogenic.” Ick… doesn’t that just leave a bitter taste in your mouth? If not, I bet the “healthy,” ketogenic, fat bombs will.
Anyways, my beef with this is that I think this diet has such a slim way of working that it’s not even worth trying. When the ingredients for your “ketogenic” cheeseburger casserole includes 3 lb. of cream cheese, shredded cheddar cheese and like 45% fat ground beef, how can you really think what you are about to consume is good for you? I get the mindset is supposed to be high fats and low carbs, but the way cream cheese, shredded cheese, and fatty meat make me feel tells me a lot more than what nutrition facts tell me is supposed to happen.
Again, please don’t get mad at me. I’m fragile and will cry if you raise your voice even a small bit.
2. Podcasts
Those of you who can actually listen to podcasts, I guess my question for you is just…how? Why? Have you ever heard of music? I also was never one who got into the murder scene (pun intended), but I know that I’m messing up by typing how I feel about that here, because all of you probably know 191 ways to end my life without any traces back to you. You will probably rule the world someday if you’re a murder podcast listener, but it just ain’t me. I’m sorry.
3. Iced Coffee
If I wasn’t dead after #2, I most definitely am now. Some people will swear up and down on their own graves about iced coffee. It’s not like I haven’t tried to like it; I’ve genuinely wanted to hop on the iced coffee train, but I just can’t do it. I put random pumps of syrup in that thing until I doubt there’s a kind of syrup not in there, and I still am not a fan. If you have a kind of iced coffee concoction you absolutely LOVE, let me know. I can try it and I’ll probably be disappointed, but I’ll have a good attitude about it, I promise!!
4. Guacamole/Avocados
At this point, I think I might be digging my own grave, but I don’t like avocado either. First of all, guacamole is that b**** trying to steal salsa’s spotlight. It’s always been chips and salsa (or queso– love you too, queso) but not chips and guac.
Guacamole is not good in my opinion; it’s also hard to spell which is annoying, and my mom is allergic to avocado (which is also hard to spell) so thanks for almost kiLLinG her. Just kidding- not that dramatic, it’s fine, but that’s just another reason that avocado is a no for me. It’s never really been on my radar because I’m not a huge fan but also I never have the choice to eat it while I’m around her. Still, why have avocado toast when you could have made that toast french?
This video is a great thing though– I will give avocados that much props.
5. The absence of the comma before the ‘and’ in a list– and other AP style rules
I thought I’d end with something that really grinds my gears as a writer. I absolutely CANNOT stand when I’m writing in AP style and can’t put a comma before the last thing in a list because it goes against one of the 578,052 other rules. (ex: “I like bacon, eggs, and hashbrowns.” is written as “I like bacon, eggs and hashbrowns.” in AP style.) UGH I got triggered just from writing that example!
If you don’t have the slightest idea what I’m talking about by AP style and are wondering where it came from, well, I’ll tell you: hell. Thanks to AP style writing, I have definitely lost all interest in writing for a newspaper or anything like that. That’s not really what I wanted anyways, but having to write in AP style my whole career is a deal-breaker and I think I’d rather be a guy who stands on the street holding a sign about Sears going out of business in -18 degree windchill than do another assignment writing in AP style. Not to be dramatic or anything though.