*Cracks knuckles, hovers fingers over keyboard*
Ladies, this rant is nineteen years coming. Be warned.
To the curly hair gods (and to the people out there who just wish they could have my hair), here is a very slimmed down list of complaints I have with having asymmetrical follicles on my head:
1. The Moolah.
When I get the typical “people pay a lot of money to have that kind of hair, young lady” rant by women with names like Mildred, I have to refrain from mentioning that I probably pay the same for this blessed “God given” mane and its god given products. There are no exaggerations when I say that I go through a new brush every month because they often break. The products for curly hair that I’ve gone through over the years to attempt to not look like Monica when she goes to Barbados in Friends could have probably paid my tuition by now.
It’s fine, I hold no grudge.
2. The Time.
If I want to straighten my hair? Time. Brush my hair? Time. Having mental breakdowns over not being able to find that last bobby pin? Time. There are a lot of other things I could be doing with my day than spending my time trying to scrounge some humanity into my hair. I could be procrastinating more on my homework, I could be going to the dining hall to order my third crunchy chicken cheddar wrap of the day (shout out to KU Dining), or I could be watching Top Chef Junior and realize how pathetic I am for not even knowing how to make a grilled cheese sandwhich. In a nutshell, that’s a lot of time.
3. Styling.
In my experience, at least, there isn’t really anything that I can do with my hair other than leave it down, and occasionally do a cute half up/half down maneuver. But braiding? Forget it. The texture and the way my hair is makes it physically ugly whenever I attempt to braid my hair. It doesn’t help that I don’t know anyone who could braid it for me, so it ends up being a bumpy mess instead of a badass look. Senior prom was a nightmare. Sigh. If that’s not enough, those dreams of having long luscious locks will never happen due to the fact that curly hair grows so slow. And even when it grows, it curls more like some weird curly villain that just does not want me to have long hair. Another sigh.
4. Basic Care?
Having curly hair can be frustrating for many reasons, but a big one for me is generally taking care of it. My hair is very, very dry and coarse. Because of that, I can’t wash it every day or else it will dry out, then subsequently fall out of my head and my best feature will vanish. So, I have to wash my hair every three days. For those of you who have curly hair (and even those who don’t) we are familiar with this thing called frizz. The worst thing created in the universe. After one day and one night my hair is strung out and a mess, yet I can’t wash it. So I have to go through a morning panic of putting a bunch of product in so it looks presentable, and not like I was just electrocuted. Fun.
You may think I really despise my hair after reading this, but I swear I do not (except a few days a month, at the most). I had to learn to love what I had after spending years of my childhood hating having unique hair. That’s the great thing about us is that everyone has something they don’t enjoy about their appearance, but we all should learn to love ourselves for who we are. Even if sometimes it takes three days to find a bobby pin in your hair.