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Tessa Pesicka / Her Campus

My First Single Summer

Ok, I already know what you’re thinking: “Oh, she’s one of those girls that can’t go two days without a boyfriend.” And just to clear that up – I’m not. I promise.

What I mean by “single” is not having a boyfriend (obviously) or a thing with anyone. I don’t have a crush. My friends aren’t trying to set me up with someone. I’m not even snapchatting anyone. I’m totally and COMPLETELY single.

It seems like I’ve been thinking about finding a boyfriend since elementary school. My first kiss happened in kindergarten. It lasted a millisecond, and then he said, “That was fun. Should we do it again?” I responded, “No, I’m okay,” then simply moved on. Well, I can definitely confirm that a lot’s changed since then. And the need to find a partner has only intensified as I’ve gotten older.

Original Illustration Designed in Canva for Her Campus Media

I spent years keeping Snapchat streaks with guys just to make myself feel better about not having a boyfriend. To say the least, it was completely unfulfilling. 

But looking back, I can’t believe I cared so much. The stress I put on myself to find a partner only made things worse. I dated boys I shouldn’t have dated just for the sake of dating. I forced connections with guy friends just because I desperately wanted to be in a relationship. And for a while I believed I was doing the right thing. But I kept asking myself, is this love? Is this really all it is? 

Two summers ago, I told myself I needed to take a break from boys. But, of course, life never goes according to plan, and I fell in love – not the kind of love where you find yourself taking the Buzzfeed, “Am I in Love?” quizzes (because trust me, I’ve been there). It only lasted a couple of months, but I don’t regret it for a second. Because it was real. It actually meant something. It wasn’t just another boy I was snapchatting.

As heartbroken as I was, I came out of this relationship a different person. My mindset completely shifted. I was no longer concerned about my single status because I was positive that the right boy would walk into my life at the right time. After all, I fell in love right after I told myself I wasn’t going to look anymore. 

So, this summer I stopped looking. I prioritized myself. Without the distraction of the blue text bubble popping up on the right-hand corner of my computer screen, I took two summer courses. I started writing for two magazines. And I never felt anxious about being single. Not even once. 

Freelance Girl Working at Home Sitting on Sofa with Laptop and Cat
Illustration by Irina Strelnikova from Shutterstock

I’m not oblivious to the fact that many college women desperately want a boyfriend. In fact, in the middle of writing this story, I heard my roommate complain, “I just wanna get married already.” But I’m also not oblivious to the fact that many college women aren’t in search of a romantic relationship. 

More people are okay being single than you might think. Pew Research Center just recently released a study that revealed 50 percent of single people are not interested in a romantic relationship. Who knew??!

I’m done wasting my time feeling anxious about something I can’t control. Now is the time to be selfish. Now is the time to prioritize myself. I’m becoming a better individual, so when the time comes, I’ll be ready to share my life with someone else.

But whoever you are, I can’t wait to meet you. :)










Anna was born and raised in St. Louis, Missouri. She is currently a senior at the University of Kansas, studying News & Info in the William Allen White School of Journalism and minoring in Business.
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