Let’s make something clear, being a woman can suck. Dark, I know, but there is no denying that the pressures society places on women take their toll. We are supposed to look a certain way, act like a lady, be successful but not too successful. You can’t make anyone uncomfortable, so don't you dare talk about your feelings. If a man makes you feel like dog crap, well, that's on you. You’re supposed to be empowered but not too empowered that it challenges the patriarchy, and you have to care like all the time. This is a lot for one person to take on, so I’m proposing a solution. Let’s not give a shit anymore. There is an art to not giving a shit. It can be complex and challenging, but there is something beautiful about giving the middle finger to the world. Over the past few weeks, I've been perfecting my craft of not giving a damn and here is what I’ve learned thus far.
Make a List
Not giving a shit doesn’t mean you don’t care about anything. It means that you know the difference between what actually matters to you and what is entirely irrelevant. How do you achieve this? You make a list. Make a list of about ten people you genuinely care about and are willing to make an effort for. My list has my closest friends and family, who I know would help me bury a body if I asked them. You can add a significant other to this list, but don’t you dare think about adding that guy you know doesn’t give a crap about you. Got your list? Good, now every few months, do a little spring cleaning and edit it to reflect who still matters in your life. Don’t waste your precious time on someone who wouldn’t put you on their list. Now make a list of the things you care about in life. It can be your future goals or your favorite hobbies. If something doesn’t bring you joy or get you excited, then don’t add. Take these lists and put your precious time and energy into what matters most. If it doesn’t make the list then don’t bother giving a shit about it.
Screw Social Media
I know everyone preaches the importance of a social media diet, but honestly it’s key. Social media is one of those things that can make you feel like garbage. Continually seeing what others want you to see can take its toll. My mom always says that social media causes you to compare your worst days to other people’s highlights. So stop giving a shit about it. Unfollow people you don’t care about and delete photos of people who don’t matter. Check yourself whenever you start comparing yourself to others on social media. The real art of not giving a shit is, well, not giving a shit. Stop obsessing over others who are definitely not obsessing over you. Post that fire selfie and then don’t bother checking who liked your picture. In the grand scheme of life, it doesn’t matter how popular you are on Instagram. No one will be on their deathbed thinking about all the likes they got on social media. Period.
Give Yourself a Perspective Makeover
Sometimes life bitch-slaps you in the face. It happens and it can put you in a crap head space. Sometimes we vacation in a crap head space for so long that it can be hard to find our way back home. A crucial part of not giving a shit is to give yourself a perspective makeover. Frequently we find ourselves looking at a situation too close. Take a step back and look at the big picture. Crap that might feel like your whole world one week will be completely irrelevant in a month. Someone didn’t like you, well that's life. That boy didn’t text you bad, tough shit. You got a bad grade, guess what, it happens. You can’t control life; you’re not God (or whoever/ whatever you believe in). The only thing you have control over is your perspective. There will be plenty of people who won’t like you. There will be boys who don’t want to talk to you and there will be many times that you fail. So what are you going to do about it? Wallow in self-pity or pick your ass up and live your life? The latter sounds better if you ask me. We all want to be the main character so start thinking about yourself as the damn protagonist.
Be Selfish (Hint: it’s NOT a bad thing)
Being selfish gets a bad reputation. Here’s the thing, it's not wrong to be selfish. This is the time in your life to do it. The people you bend over backward for are selfish, so why aren't you? Go do what YOU want to do. Think about what you are doing to better yourself and if you are doing it to impress someone else, stop! The only opinion about you that matters is your own because you are the only one who can control your happiness. Now I’m not saying you should go out and be a dick to everyone. There is a difference between being nice and kind. Nice is letting people walk all over you. It's people-pleasing and faking a smile. Being kind is having compassion for others and yourself. It's understanding that everyone has a story, but it doesn't give them a right to treat you like dirt. You can be kind and selfish.
Become a Bad Bitch
Yeah, I said it. Become a bad bitch. The list of bad bitches goes on from Cardi B to Alex Cooper to the U.S. women's soccer team to frickin' Miss Piggy. Have you ever noticed how bad bitches don’t give a shit? They don't have time to care about what people think of them. Liberate yourself from others' expectations. Wear that outfit out that makes you feel hot. State your opinion. Be confident in yourself because nothing scares people more than a confident woman. 2020 is the year of bad bitches. A bad bitch is confident and independent. She doesn’t have time to give a shit; she has better things to do. A bad bitch can be many things. She can be wild or reserved. She can be a CEO or a mom. She can run marathons or take sick photos. She can wear all black or floral prints. A bad bitch can be whatever she wants to be, but you know what she doesn't do, give a shit!
These are merely tips in the art of not giving a shit, but your journey is your own. You are the one who has to decide to stop giving a damn. You’re not ready? That’s okay! You are in control of your own life and if you still have shits to give, then give them. Personally, I was tired of feeling inadequate to others. I was tired of getting my feelings hurt by things I couldn’t control. I was tired of feeling insecure. I decided that it was time for me to focus on myself. I stopped caring about people who didn’t make my list. I stopped checking who liked my Instagram post. I stopped looking at life up close. I stopped being nice and faking a smile. I stopped worrying about what people thought of me. I stopped giving a shit! And let me tell you, it is frickin’ liberating.