The KU Bus Riding Rule Book

 

Just as there is Etiquette for Urinal use (don’t look down for too long, don’t shake it too many times) there is Etiquette for the KU Bus system. The problem is: this complex code of social queues has never been documented and formulated into a real, physical, Rule Book. So, after taking on the role of an incognito anthropologist and riding the bus circuits several times, I’ve created a system of proper KU Bus Etiquette.

 

  1. Keep headphones/earbuds in at all times unless engaging in conversation with a friend.

  2. Keep your hands close to your body to prevent unpleasant human contact.

  3. Never enter a conversation with someone you just met on the bus unless absolutely necessary.

  4. Keep personal conversations at a volume of approximately 5 decibels. If you do not know what a decibel is, neither do I, but be sure to measure your volume with an app on your phone.

  5. Never make eye contact with any person for longer than three seconds.

  6. If eye contact is made accidently for longer than three seconds, do not, under any circumstances jerk your head away suddenly— this will only worsen the situation. Instead, slowly bring your gaze around the rest of the bus as to create the illusion of being a commonplace surveyor.

  7. If you do jerk your head and draw attention to yourself, pretend to sneeze.

  8. If you sneeze, always sneeze into the crook of your arm, hereby preventing any sneeze material to escape onto your fellow bus riders.

  9. ALWAYS, ALWAYS exit through the back door and enter through the front.

  10. Bring your legs into a compact formation and place your backpack on your lap.

  11. If there is a woman holding a baby on the bus, offer your seat.

  12. If there a distinguished looking professor on the bus, offer your seat.

  13. If there is a distinguished looking professor holding a baby, offer your seat and a cracker to the baby.

  14. If the Chancellor happens onto your bus, bow down.

  15. If the Chancellor happens onto your bus holding a baby, bow down then exit the bus in an orderly fashion, as something important is likely happening.

  16. If your bus driver stops and hops off the bus to take a smoke break, let him. He has to deal with students like you and the same scenery out his window day-in and day-out.

  17. If your bus driver hops off the bus to take a smoke break but does not stop, scream as you are likely in a moving vehicle without a driver.

  18. The bus is not a place for pick-up lines.

  19. The bus is not a place for cool Vape tricks, but you have some great Vape tricks I’m sure.

  20. Last but not least: if you do not need to ride the KU Bus, do not do so.

Note: Please keep in mind there is a whole separate system for the Safe Bus.