Ladies, it is time for a ~sexual~ revolution.
Being out of a long-term relationship for about six months now has helped me learn a lot about myself. I guarantee any woman going through a similar experience can relate to that heavy. One of the most important things I have learned about myself since our breakup is that your level of sexual activity or amount of sexual partners you have does not define you as a “good” or “bad” person. More importantly, it doesn’t define you as a “prude” or “slut” either.
As most women can attest to, there is no shortage of vulgar terms that describe a sexually active woman. To paint a better picture, I have been called an abundance of lovely self-esteem-killing words by strangers, enemies, friends, and most heartbreakingly, a loved one. Before I entered into my long-term relationship, I had had quite a few sexual partners, which never bothered me or made me think differently of myself. Pretty early into our relationship, however, my boyfriend asked how many sexual partners I had been with, so I was honest just as any other person should be, right?
Soon after giving my response, I realized that saying anything at all might have turned out to be a mistake. Something I had never worried about in the past had all of a sudden overcome me with feelings of guilt and shame, based on his reaction. Throughout the duration of our relationship, I was constantly reminded and bombarded with questions about my sexual history prior to our relationship. This included questions about who my past sexual partners were, under what circumstances were we engaging in sexual acts, and my current personal opinion of my past partners, just to name a few. A wave of uncertainty and uncomfortability washed over me every time I was being interrogated about my past by the person who I thought would love me unconditionally.
It didn’t dawn on me until I was single that none of those types of things define who you are as a person. Having sex doesn’t define you as a slut or a whore. It’s a natural, rational human experience that makes you feel good, so fuck what anyone has to say. Most importantly, I learned that keeping your sexual history private from your significant other isn’t “keeping secrets” or a “shady” thing to do. IT JUST DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER. There are so many terrible connotations toward any amount of sexual partners anyone has been with that certainly doesn’t describe them accurately, so why bother assuming?
Be your fucking self and do whatever the hell makes you happy, as long as you are staying safe. Whether you’ve fucked 2 people or 200, keep on doing you. But always remember to use protection, wear a condom and make sure you are on some form of birth control. Stop by or call your friendly neighborhood Planned Parenthood if you have any questions about pregnancy, STIs, abortions, or general safe sex tips.
Yay for a sexual revolution, yay for not giving a fuck!