Creating a new normal has to be the most intimidating aspect of starting over. Whether it be fresh off the heels of a breakup, a traumatic life event, a complete shift in environment—whatever the circumstance might be—a common struggle across those who struggle is figuring out how to get back on the horse again.
It isn’t for lack of desire, or a matter of bad intentions. The space between the end and a new beginning can be a place of uncertainty and discomfort. It is within this place we see ourselves aching for the normalcy of our past, and most often the time when we find ourselves trying to find comfort in the same places we were initially hurt. It can be hard to fight the urge of returning to habits which no longer serve or grow us, but it is so much harder to persist within these habits and stay stagnant in our personal growth.
Whether the heartache endured is a subtle distancing of feelings from something we have outgrown, or a heart wrenching curveball to the heart, the way we grieve as individuals is specific and intimate, and much like a fingerprint, different for every person. Thus, the way we move on from said grief is also completely unique in its own sense.
If you are feeling stuck, understand there is no reason to feel guilty or shameful. Until you are truly ready to shake up the format of your life, it is easy to stay in the in-between area—out of doubt and fear or maybe even the idea that if you move on, it’s really over. But if you’ve made it to this point, you’ve already made strides toward getting unstuck. And like I said earlier, when you refuse change you are also refusing growth.
It is most essential, for me at the very least, to succumb to the ebb and flow of healing, and to make peace with the jagged, non-linear process. Each day is a mountain of its own, and when you rise to the peak, it is only then you can see what tomorrow’s mountain entails. Healing is a mindful decision, made repetitively over time—and most times a painful one at that. It is the growth you’ve been refusing for however long before. It is the self-love you’ve been denying yourself, but much more harsh and raw.
It’s funny, because healing teaches us to be soft with ourselves, but it also tears us apart with the honesty of our own flaws. Maybe this is so one day in our future, we will only need to be gentle with our own heart instead of scolding it for repeating the same mistakes.
Regardless of what healing looks like for you, it is important not exactly what story you write from day to day but instead that at the end of each chapter, you turn the page. You continue, no matter what that means.
Forward Feelings. Engrave them in your brain throughout your process. Whether they be, “I followed a routine better today,” “Today I am feeling confident,” “I am proud of the work I did today versus yesterday.” Whatever. Speak these forward feelings into existence and watch as you project yourself into a future of self-love—an era of YOU.
As you surrender to the ebb and flow of healing, use this playlist to guide you through whatever stage you find yourself in. Root for yourself, always!