The first text. The first message. Maybe you knew him before, maybe you didn’t. But, it lit up something inside of you. Something perhaps you haven’t felt in a long time.
– Hey, it’s James
– I got your number from a friend
Hey, how are you? –
– I’m good
– I was wondering if you were free Friday
night at 7? I have something fun for us to do
Yeah, I am –
I’m looking forward to it –
– It’s a date
It always starts out friendly, light hearted even. A smile braces your face and you finally remember what it is to be excited again. You swore off guys for a long time, but this one is different. You can feel it.
The date goes well. He picked you up and took you out to dinner. You stayed out for a long time, taking a walk around the lake to see the stars. He brought a blanket, he thought you might get cold. Considering the fact that you wore your best jean shorts and a strapless tank, he was right.
He takes you back to his place for a small game night. Some laughs were shared and you quickly realize you both have the same taste in music. You meet his roommates, they seem really sweet. You have your first kiss outside in the moonlight.
– I really enjoyed last night
– Hopefully we can do that again soon
Me too –
It was really fun hanging out with you –
– So, how’s Tuesday at 7 sound?
It’s a date –
Date night number two rolls around. He picks you up right on time. You stressed about what to wear for an hour while it looked like he could put himself together effortlessly. He opens every single door for you, running to the car to beat you to it.
He surprised you with tacos when he picked you up, which happens to be your favorite. The two of you took a long walk down main street, stopping at a little shop for ice cream. Because you both have a huge sweet tooth, you decide to spend the rest of the evening baking together. Flour gets everywhere, more laughs are exchanged, and you manage to make something that kind of resembles a cake.
You watch a movie on the couch, laying in his arms, while he tells you how beautiful you looked. He is mesmerized by your eyes, and kisses you again. And again. And again. And again.
– You have no idea how beautiful you looked last night
– Seriously, your smile could kill a man
It’s easy to smile when I’m with you –
You’re good at making me happy –
– I would like to keep it that way for a while
You have another date, and he does the same charming things. You haven’t been treated this well in a long time, so you finally allow yourself to open up more.
You are about to go out of town for a few days. It’s weird, but you know you’ll miss him. When he drops you off, he kisses you and wants to know the minute you get back so he can see you again. You close the door with a smile on your face. Your roommates ask why you’re so happy, and you tell them all about him.
You are in the airport and your plane is delayed. He calls you because he misses your voice. He says you know how to calm him down, he has a presentation with his superior the next day. You talk about what you’re going to do on your trip, he talks about where he’s taking you when you get back.
You’re sitting in the hotel lobby. It’s 11 p.m. and everyone went to bed. You get a message, a smile broaching your face when you see who it’s from.
– After thinking about it, I don’t think I want a relationship.
Don’t get me wrong, you’re fun but I don’t want to be with
you that way. I can’t see myself dating someone like you
– Maybe if you would have been easier it would have worked out
– I enjoyed our time together, but I want to step
back and do some reflection
Ok, thanks for letting me know –
I understand –
I understand. I. Understand. I understand that maybe it was all in my head. Maybe I really was delusional thinking things would actually be different this time. Maybe I catch feelings too quickly and shouldn’t be crying as I send that final message, the one I know will be the last.
I understand that maybe my body was the problem. Maybe I wasn’t skinny enough, or I was too tall, or my voice was annoying. Maybe if my arms looked better or if my legs were thinner he wouldn’t have said that. I can still smell him on my clothes, the image of him flashing in my mind perfectly as some sort of punishment.
Maybe the reason I am silently crying in the lobby of the hotel, surrounded by drunk people, is because I was meant to end up alone. But why? There were no signs. He was so respectful. He never even asked me for “that.” We never had that conversation. What did I miss? More importantly, what did I do wrong and why did I think someone like me deserved someone like him for once?
***
These were the questions I had to ask myself over and over again, admittedly recently. Falling for the wrong one is so easy when they’re the one doing everything right. At that point, how do they expect us to not catch feelings?
Feelings are so hard, especially romantically. You fall too fast, you’re delusional. You fall too slow, you’re playing with the other person. I, like many, fall quickly when I get treated the way I read about in books. How could you not?
The aftermath is brutal. You replay conversations over and over, trying to think back to something you could have said wrong or an action you should have done. When nothing comes to mind, it’s easy to turn against yourself. Pick apart everything wrong with your body or mentality until there is nothing left.
Everyone processes things differently, but the most important thing to do is to forgive. Forgive him, and yourself. Forgive yourself for what you said to your reflection when you looked into the mirror after the split. You’ll start to feel a lot better.
Another important step is to let yourself feel sad. You can feel sad and move on at the same time. Allow yourself to cry, or else it’ll get pushed aside and come out even worse.
I know it’s a cliche, but try to fall in love with yourself before going on to someone else. If you’re not the best version of yourself, you are going to attract what you put out. Meaning, you won’t attract the best version of the other person either.
The story above, although based on true events from this author’s life, is applicable for so many. The most important thing to remember is that there is nothing wrong with you, and no, it is not your fault. Situations such as these reflect more on the other person than they do on yourself.
Mr. Wrong comes in many different shapes and sizes. Although painful, it is much better to know they’re not the right one now before the time you spent together can’t be overlooked.
