I don’t know if it’s just me, but when I was in high school, I thought I would stay friends with everyone after I graduated. As college began, I began to realize that that wasn’t the case and that not all friendships were meant to be. I have learned and accepted many things from drifting myself with some of my friends and I wanted to share some of my thoughts on the topic.
When I was in high school, I was a part of a lot of friend groups and talked to so many people everyday. I was friends with groups of people and was also friends with individual people who I still talk to today. I was never a person to just stick to a particular group because I really like to be social butterfly (as my friends would call me). I would be friendly with whoever I met and tried to stay on good terms with everyone.
As college began, I stayed in touch with my close and best friends on a daily basis because most of my friends go to another university out of the state. Due to my other friends’ different schedules, it was honestly hard to find times to call or meet up with them unless there was constant communication. I was and still am one to contact people first when I want to see my friends while some people I know just wait for me to contact them.
Being the person to always put effort in making plans and contacting others without receiving the same kind of interest was kind of hard for me when college began. I recently had a conversation with my best friend who told me she was focusing on friendships that she knows will be permanent in the future. We talked about how we both wanted to focus on keeping in touch with people who put in the same effort in the friendship and stay communicated. Without communication, it’s a bit difficult to see how another person is doing. I previously said in another article that I wasn’t a fan of texting because I believe I’m a bad person to text too.
I admit, I don’t really like texting and prefer using Snapchat and FaceTime instead. I do text people occasionally but I am not constantly talking to 10 to 20+ individuals daily during the week or have over 100 messages on my phone. I stay communicated with my mutual friends through Snapchat and still enjoy talking to people from high school. I like seeing how they’re enjoying their college life out of state and am grateful how we still like each other’s company like that. But for some of my mutual friends who don’t Snapchat or text me, it’s hard for me to talk and reach out to them.
I realized that as college went on, some people I thought I would stay friends with forever weren’t contacting me until I contacted them. I continued to wonder if it was my fault we were barely talking. But after thinking some situations out, I started to realize that due to the lack of communication and effort my friend and I were both lacking, we began to drift apart. The less we talked, the more I could sense that they didn’t want to stay in touch. I do not blame my old friends for not wanting to continue our friendship. I know it was hard to talk to them with our busy schedules and after seeing how we both didn’t contact each other, we just stopped talking in general. I blame my bad texting skills for that part but let me tell you, I think I’m improving my texting skills!
Yet, let me tell you something else- although I have ended some friendships that I thought I’d have forever, I learned a lot of things. It’s okay for friendships to end because although I lost some friends, I am still grateful for all the memories and time I spent with them. They made high school, especially senior year, the best year for me. I am thankful for what they did for me years ago and still care for them today.
I still follow and comment on their social media pages and send them yearly birthday texts because I want them to know that although we drifted, I still care for them. We may not talk anymore but I love seeing them thrive at college. I know they have also formed lifelong friendships with other individuals and I am truly happy for them. Although we are now mutual friends, I remind myself today that I still have close friends from both high school and college that I am so grateful for who provide me with the same kind of communication I want in a friendship.
I have found my best friends during college and am grateful that they are in my life. I don’t know how I would have survived without their daily Snapchats, texts, and weekly random FaceTimes. Making new friends and seeing how much they care in our relationship showed me that there a lot of people who have a preferred way to communicate. Some of my friends are okay with texting every other week or month to catch up while others enjoy having weekly conversations. I noticed that friendships can be affected from communication, but the most important factor within our relationship is the effort people put into it. Without both sides making an effort, a friendship could be one-sided.
I learned (and continue to learn) that not staying friends with everyone is okay. I told myself that if I love the people I am surrounded with, I should be happy! Losing some people after high school was really sad but I realized that it’s okay when people grow and find their own way of doing life. I am lucky to have the friends I have now (thank you, college!) and have been working on my communication skills for my friendships to last.