Every Halloween I am reminded of the harsh reality that all candies are not created equal. While there are some delicious candies that near the peak of flavor perfection (i.e., the Reece’s Peanut Butter Cup), this post is dedicated to the bad and the ugly. These are the candies that, as a kid, would let you know which houses to avoid next year—and in the most drastic of cases, which houses deserve to be egged.
I have decided to split these candies into two categories: Waste of Calories, and the more serious verdict, Straight in the Garbage.
Waste of Calories
I’m not saying these ones are terrible, but they’re definitely second-rate, and you bet 7-year-old me would be desperately trying to trade them for something better.
Candy Corn
Dots
Tootsie Roll
Sixlets
Milk Duds
Straight in the Garbage
These, on the other hand, should have stayed in 1896, and the fact that they have made it to the 21st century is mind boggling. I mean, who actually likes these? I’m genuinely curious.
Oh Henry
Bit-O-Honey
Good and Plenty
Wax cola bottles
Strawberry hard candy
Mary Jane
Cherry Mash
And last but certainly not least, Circus Peanuts
The moral of the story is, homeowners, please ditch these monstrosities and stock up on the good stuff so you can give the trick-or-treaters what they really want this Halloween.