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For the next question of the week: lady issues!

Dear Wenger,

I THINK THERE IS A TAMPON INSIDE OF ME WHAT THE (this word has been censored) SHOULD I DO.

Love always,

Anonymous ;)

Anonymous ;)

    Oh my. I would like to first say that I admire your strength in coming to me with such a pressing question. Pressing not only to your case (which is extremely, extremely pressing) but also pressing in terms of our society.

    The world is not a place for vaginas.

    It is therefore not a place for tampons.

In combating issues with our vaginas and our tampons, the first step is always admitting there is an issue in the first place. Which you have done despite your fears that problems with your vagina will swallow your life up like a snake swallowing a frog whole (more on this by googling: SNAKE EATS FROG— what????).

    Firstly, never fear the vagina.

    As a wise old gynecologist once told me, “The great thing about vaginas is that nothing can really get lost in there. There’s only one place for things to go.”

    And anonymous, that place is up.

    You now will have to face your second fear. Look for the tampon. If you do not feel up to this task we have a wonderful place on campus called Watkins Health Center. There are gynos for issues like this, all you need to is set up an appointment.

    Being healthy is being happy. You must be healthy, and for you to be healthy, you must make your vagina happy.

    Go, young one, into the wilderness of womanhood. Find what awaits in your southernmost tip and save yourself.

    Like, for real, though. Save yourself. Toxic Shock Syndrome is a dangerous thing and the first way to fight it, is getting that tampon the (this word has been censored) out of there.

God bless you,

Elizabeth Wenger

 

A final note: If you would like to ask for advice in future columns, DM me on twitter @jewenger with your name or wish to remain anonymous. You can also find me on facebook under Elizabeth Jayne Wenger.

Always here, always lost, always full of myself!

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