“50 Shades of Grey” by E.L. James is a story much romanticized today in the world of pop culture. It portrays a woman falling into the clutches of a man whose taste in sex is…well unconventional by most standards. When the books hit the shelves, women rushed to grab the sexy BDSM tale and instantly it became a hit. Soon after the buzz of the book started to circulate a movie followed. What is so frightening about a little kink in your new age romance novels you might ask? When the “kink” becomes abusive, it becomes a problem.
During the course of the three-part series, Christian Grey displays a number of abusive tactics that he uses against Anastasia (the other main character) in order to manipulate and control her. He not only uses force and coercion, he displays a frightening about of emotional abuse, often making her feel guilty for setting her limits. In a healthy BDSM relationship there are two key elements: trust and communication. Christian consistently breaks these two major rules by breaking contracts that he and Anastasia have laid out and continuing to preform acts on her even after she has protested against it.
The novel features quotes such as “You have one thing, one thing to remember. Shit! I don’t f****** believe it. How could you be so stupid?” and “Alaska is very cold and there is no place to run. I would find you. I can tack your cell phone-remember?” The reason that quotes like these are so frightening is that they are similar to what people in domestic violence situations hear every day. While this book is being glorified in society, it is also in a way glorifying domestic violence.
There is nothing wrong with a healthy curiosity for the obscure or kinky in the bedroom, but there is most certainly something wrong with carrying it out in an unhealthy and unsafe manner. So next time you decide to try something new with your partner, remember that communication and trust are essential! If you feel that you may be in a violent relationship there are some numbers that you can contact for free to receive help:
The Willow Domestic Violence Center Hotline: 785-843-3333
GaDuGi Safecenter Hotline: 785-843-8985
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233