Last semester had its ups and downs. Towards the end of the semester, I was definitely down. I was unhappy, though I didn’t come to that realization until only days before winter break. I realized that I wasn’t where I needed to be, literally and figuratively. I had to move out of my dorm because my roommate and I just didn’t get along and I didn’t feel right being with the group of friends in my hall. Individually, I think they’re all nice people, but somehow, I couldn’t handle it when I was with all of them. I felt more compelled to sit in my room, watch Netflix, and feel bad about myself because I didn’t connect with them the same way they connect with each other or the way my friends and I do back home. I didn’t feel like myself because with each day I felt more and more introverted and reclusive.
That’s not who I am—I’m motivated, personable, passionate and a good freakin’ time. I lost myself because I wasn’t where I needed to be. I came to the conclusion that we’re just different people and that it would be better to have a fresh start next semester.
I was unhappy last semester because I expected too much. I expected to be the one getting friended instead of doing the friending. I wanted people to come to me and want to hang out with me and make plans with me and make me feel like a special little snowflake. I met cool people who I wanted to hang out with and get to know better, but I didn’t make the effort to do so. As the semester progressed, friend groups solidified and I felt stuck. I was in the “friend who you make small talk with” zone. This semester, I’m getting out. I am going to make more meaningful relationships and make the effort to be with people I like and who like me.
It’s a process. Sometimes I find myself scraping through conversations with people I thought I could connect with. Times like that suck, but there’s no way around occasional awkward silences, unsolicited rambling, and over-used ice breakers.
I’ve also come to the realization that I can’t please everyone. I am simply not everyone’s cup of tea. But that’s okay because I like me, my friends like me, and I’m pretty sure my family likes me.
This experience made me realize that the world doesn’t owe me anything. The perfect college experience is not going to come to me on a silver platter. I have to go out there, leave my comfort zone (AKA my dorm room) and forge it for myself. To the people who have supported, loved, and appreciated me: thank you for keeping me grounded. To the people who will receive texts from me asking to have dinner or hang out: consider it as my way of saying “Hey, I think you’re cool. Let’s get to know each other.” To the people who I will meet this semester: If you like your tea strong, hot, and exotic—hit me up.