I am not supposed to dress for anyone besides myself. I am not supposed to do my hair to make someone else think I am beautiful, and I am not supposed to buy lower-cut shirts and tighter jeans to recreate myself as a sexual object for those who see me. Because I am a strong and independent lady who doesn’t need anyone else’s approval to feel lovely.
Some days these things are true. Some days I wear a hoodie and jeans, and other days I wear a short skirt and unbutton my sweater with no one in mind but myself. Some days I don’t do my makeup, and I think nothing of it when no one watches me walk by. Then, there are Sundays when I look like I’m still half in bed. Those Sundays, I sit down at a computer next to a row of older boys, and none of them look at me. I think about how earlier in the week when I sat down at the exact same computer next to different boys while wearing that one pink sweater and my hair curled down my shoulders, I could feel their eyes on me.
I don’t dress nicely for random guys in the library. But honestly, there are days when I’m not dressing for me either. I look the way I do so that other people will look at me the way I want them to. I’m not super uncomfortable in my skin-tight Hollister jeans, and I really do like that pink sweater, so what’s wrong with wearing them for the added bonus of feeling like the world also thinks I’m pretty? Apparently, a lot.
Apparently, there’s a lot riding on who I think about when I put my eyeliner on. I feel it, the weight of the fight for the rights, watching me spend ten minutes on my eyelashes. And I feel judged. I feel judged by myself and a lot of the world that thinks I shouldn’t be doing what I’m doing because I know someone likes when I wear that shirt. I understand that judgment and why I feel the way I do. It is hard to be a person. Being a person as I try to be, I want to love myself independently of the way or existence of anybody else loving me. I also want sometimes, some days, someone else to tell me that I am pretty.
There is no easy answer, just as by reading this article you can probably tell that there is no easy question either. The entirety of this subject and the conversation surrounding it is subjective. No one is on the right side because there is no right side. My instinct is to say represent yourself the way you wish to, and don’t let anyone else dictate how you appear in the world. My reality says do not tell yourself that you do not wear more eye makeup now than you used to. My truth? I like wearing my new pair of light wash jeans. I know someone special likes when I wear them, too. So I wore them on Friday, and yes, I didn’t just wear them because I wanted to. But when I look in the mirror, I do feel beautiful whether I’m in sweatpants or my prom dress. I would call that a success.
In conclusion, I am afraid to say that I have no clear advice. I can only offer my thoughts and experiences as validation. The only thing that is certain is that no one should live his or her life solely for another person. Extremes tend to be bad and moderation tends to be hard, but it is worth thinking about. Be beautiful the way you want to be beautiful, and be beautiful for yourself. But if you want someone else to think you’re pretty, do not feel ashamed. Wearing certain clothes to impress a boy will not completely crush your independent spirit.
Remember, though, neither will wearing a dress for yourself.
Image Credit: Lily Alig, Success Mastery Camp