While researching colleges, I was incredibly interested in Kenyon because of their incredible English program, and not just because it’s the same program that produced young adult fiction author John Green. I’ve always had a great passion for reading and writing, and when applying for schools, I knew for a fact that that is what I wanted to study in college so that I could get a job in the literary field after graduation.
However, after my first year at Kenyon, I was less set on declaring my English major. After taking two classes with Kenyon’s English department, I lost a bit of confidence in whether or not I was meant to declare English as my major. I enjoyed both classes I took very much, and I felt as though I learned a lot in both of them; but, I found myself unable to speak in those classes as other students could. There would be students constantly raising their hands, always having perfect, eloquent, and thoughtful responses. Though I always had thoughts on the readings, I never felt like I truly understood them the way some of the other students did. These students would quote classical authors and reference contemporary literature as a part of their regular vernacular, and that just wasn’t me. I love books and, of course, there are authors whose works I get incredibly excited to read, but my tastes are not quite as refined as some of the other English students at Kenyon. It was easy to become discouraged and begin to think that I was not cut out to be a Kenyon English major.
I started to consider other majors I could pursue based on the classes I had been taking, but nothing else felt right. There was nothing that I was more passionate about learning than English. That is what made me finally decide to declare. I did not declare my major because there wasn’t anything better to study; I declared my major because, even though I may not be in the same place as some of my classmates in terms of my knowledge or my ability to eloquently articulate my thoughts, I never will be unless I continue to work hard, study, and learn more about something I already love.
I do not have to be the best at something in order to enjoy doing it or to want to pursue it further, and that is something that I have always had trouble accepting. I have often held the mindset that if I am not the best at something, then I should not do it. When I think about it, that is kind of a ridiculous mindset. How do you become the best at something, or even just better at it, if you don’t continuously put effort into improving yourself? It’s also important to remember that you do not have to excel at something above everyone else in order to enjoy doing something. Rather, it’s much better to have the mindset of competing against yourself while working to increase your knowledge on a subject, and, in any aspect of life, when you’re afraid to try for fear of not being better than the best.
I am incredibly excited to be a declared English major at Kenyon, and I cannot wait to see where my studies will take me in the future.
