Oddly enough, the idea for this article came not from an actual public breakdown, though I have had plenty of those, but from a simple walk down Middle Path. It was cold, windy, and inexplicably my right eye starting tearing. Full blown droplets slid down my cheek and I realized that I was getting some funny looks from those passing me by. It struck me: we are not allowed to cry in public. Maybe because I wasn’t actually crying and so wasn’t blinded by my true sadness enough to not care, but I was irrationally offended. If I want to cry on Middle Path, why the hell can’t I? Who was the emotion police (culture) that wouldn’t let my overflowing soul express itself on my walk to class?
One of the first pieces of advice my sister gave me when I was about to leave for college was to find a single stall bathroom with a lock somewhere on campus. Sometimes it’s a good idea to know a space you can be completely alone, she would say. Also, it’s a great place to cry in public.
When I say crying in public, my definition includes crying (or having a lot of intense emotions) in any place that isn’t a space in which you feel completely safe. Crying in your bedroom is not public, and neither, in my opinion, is crying in your best friend’s room. Public places add a different vibe to any crying fit. There’s the fact that you were so upset that a public restroom became your only option of sanctitude and there is also the abandonment of all shame. When you are crying on the benches outside of the library because you miss your mom, there’s not much else to care about at that point.
As for some friendly advice, if you are wondering where you can let it all out when your dorm is just too far away I have some suggestions. For the Kenyon student, I recommend third floor Olin. (If you are a noisy crier, then skip this one.) My favorite spot is the last set of chairs (the patterned squishy ones) in Chalmers. If you sink down in those, no one can see you. I would also suggest a practice room in Storer. Though you shouldn’t really be taking those away from the music students, a quick interim in one of those vaguely sound proof boxes will hurt no one. Finally, in honor of my sister, the bathrooms in Farr Hall. Downstairs, near WKCO’s headquarters, there is a single person bathroom where you can pee and cry for as long as you need.
I hope that none of you need to cry in public, but I recognize that it’s likely you will at some point. Feelings are hard, and so is college. Relax. Cry in the library. Allow yourself to release the pressure that’s been building in your chest and your brain. Cry in public.
As a side note, for those who don’t cry at all: staring darkly off into space or breathing heavily can work too. There is no problem with reading this and thinking that you would never be that one kid you see with tears on their face walking down Middle Path. It’s okay, we’re not all that kid. Do me one favor, my non-crying friends. Just don’t judge that kid. They very clearly need no more animosity in their currently maybe fragile life. Or, the wind just caught them at the wrong angle. I hear that happens too.
P.S. Crying In Public by Chairlift is a great song.
Image Credit: Clip Arts, Favim