Uber Buggy is set to launch November 30th.
For those looking for a small-town, conservative, and a more-rustic-than-pottery-barn way to get from destination-to-destination on campus, Uber Buggy is the ride for you. Earlier this week, Uber was proud to announce its newly minted contract with the Knox County Amish. The ride service will be available to the public later next month.
“We think this will revolutionize our company,” said Dara Khosrowshahi, CEO of Uber. “The people of Gambier are the perfect target audience. We’re hoping the wealthy millennials will incorporate Uber Buggy as part of their hipster aesthetic. We’re really pushing this thing,” he added. “We’ve made an Uber buggy Instagram account and we even have a special Uber Buggy snapchat filter.”
Kenyon College will be the first school in the country where the service will be offered. Over 1,000 members of the student body signed a letter that petitioned Uber to run the concept at their school. “The other school that Uber was considering was Oberlin, but there was no way, I mean no way, that we would let them get it first.” Said one student interviewed at Wiggin Street Coffee. “It’s also going to be much more environmentally friendly.” Added a student from the ECO club. “Uber buggy will not use any fossil fuels, plus any horse manure can be used as fertilization. The college’s annual carbon footprint is guaranteed to get smaller.”
The concept of Uber buggy is entirely unique and will differ from the app’s usual ride-requesting service. “Instead of ordering through the app, passengers will have to ring a large cowbell. We plan to have at least three on campus, strategically placed near the dorms and the dining hall.” Khosrowshahi explained. “The nearest Amish couple will respond within an hour and a half after hearing the bell. After passengers change into traditional Amish garb (each buggy will have several pairs of Amish costume available for passengers, the company is currently experimenting with a one-size-fits-all model), they will be taken to their destination. The benefit of a buggy versus a car, is that it will be able to take Middle Path as a shortcut.”
But the CEO and Kenyon students aren’t the only ones excited about the new program, the Amish are also enthused. “Ya, the entire community is very excited for Uber Buggy,” gushed Jacob Von Shnellmann, one of the first buggy drivers to sign a contract with Uber. “Yes, I am so tired of the milking of the cow and the goat, or selling the baskets and the aprons to uninterested students,” added his wife, Gretchen Von Shnellmann. “We think transportation will be great for business.”
The CEO has a lot riding on this project admitting “We’ve sunk every last penny into this thing, buggies don’t come cheap you know, and frankly, Uber’s been through the mill recently.” Khosrowshahi confessed. “We really need the win, and if Uber Buggy can’t get that for us, I don’t think anything will.”