Before I begin, I would like to note that I am writing this as a cisgender female, so my experiences and perspectives are not necessarily universal or applicable to all cases. Different issues might come up for transgender individuals or pre-teens, and I don’t feel especially qualified to talk about those experiences. I do, however, think it’s useful for people of any gender identity to learn about periods, and for everyone to have the same baseline information. This is also by no means an exhaustive article—there’s more to be said, and more extensive ideas for talking about periods out there.
Considering how normal getting one’s period is for about half of adults, and for how many years menstruation is a part of life, it seems almost comical (or at least comically unfortunate) that for many people the onset of puberty and the first period is a time shrouded in mystery and shame. Adults can forget how intense things are as a kid and because there’s still a cultural taboo around periods, it can feel embarrassing to talk about such an intimate bodily function. This is perhaps even further aggravated for r those speaking across the gender divide. Then again, if parents manage to potty-train their children, why is it so difficult to talk about periods? It could be because children are much younger when they learn to use the bathroom on their own and therefore much less self-conscious about their bodies. However, the same principles apply: patience, tact, respect, and clear information are the most important things to consider when talking about functions of the human body.
During their pre and teen years, children can be hyper-aware of body image and of how people perceive them, especially if anything sets them apart from their peers. It can be difficult to talk to someone about sensitive issues, particularly if they get embarrassed or shut down when people try to talk to them about these issues. However, it is vitally important to try and at least to make sure they have access to information, and to emphasize how periods are not a sign of dirtiness. Periods carry a stigma of uncleanliness. As Jenna Wendler explains, when you get your period, “Generally, you feel pretty disgusting already, and then to have everyone around you saying yes, you are gross, is really disheartening.” I think the most important thing is to help menstruating people feel more comfortable and unashamed of what is happening to their body.
The best way to normalize the experience of getting one’s period is to be exposed to information about it from an early age. Listening to adults and older people talk about periods in a more straightforward, fact-based—rather than emotional—manner can be illuminating and comforting. Emotions are vitally important of course, but when talking about the mechanics and actual physical effects of puberty and periods, it’s often counterproductive to speak in hushed voices, or to act like the person is a fragile piece of pottery. Pre-teens can handle more than people think, so acting like it’s a “Very Special Episode” of some TV family drama makes it awkward, or at least it did for me. Another, less intimidating way to talk about periods is to work on demystifying the sense of mystery around them by emphasizing how incredible the human body and reproductive system is.
Prior to writing this article, I talked to several people who experience their period every month, and asked them what they think about society’s discourse on puberty and periods. How could the process of learning about and experiencing their first period have gone better?
One person respondeD: “I honestly don’t remember ever being told about periods when I was a kid. My mom got me a book—I asked for it, but she obliged and let me read it. It was called The Care and Keeping of You and was published by American Girl; yes, like the dolls. And it talked about puberty and periods and had a pretty descriptive illustration on how to put in a tampon and shave. It was weird when I saw it at the time, but I still kind of forgot about it when I first got my period. I wish someone had told me that if a tampon is uncomfortable, it’s likely not in properly. I hate tampons—and still do—but I went to use one and was complaining to friends, and one of them said, ‘You know if it’s that uncomfortable, it’s not in correctly?’ It blew my mind.”
“I just wish in general the conversation around periods didn’t have so much stigma… It’s never that explicit, but the way it’s discussed, especially by people who don’t menstruate or have periods, is really condescending and mean sometimes. I can’t say how flattered I was when one of my male friends turned to me one day and said, ‘Hey, can I ask you a question about periods?’ I appreciated their desire to learn about something they don’t experience,” shared another. One of the individuals I spoke to was particularly concerned with society’s perception of periods: “I wish someone had told my classmates and me that having your period isn’t shameful. I got my first period when I was 13, and I was generally ashamed of my existence because I was an insecure girl in middle school. Getting my period only added to the list of things that could make me a social disgrace. I remember my mom getting frustrated with me because I didn’t want to go to CVS to buy tampons. We lived in a small town and I didn’t want boys from school to see me buying things for my period. I also remember discussing with my friends the best way to sneak tampons to the bathroom, whether that was by tucking it up your sleeve or hiding it in your boot. I still hide my tampons when I go to the bathroom and I just don’t get why. No one ever told me I had to, but I do it anyway.”
By far, the most common thing people told me was that they wished someone had told them how to use and put in a tampon correctly. It’s a shame that this information is so taboo to talk about, because basic information can prevent leakage and discomfort. Without instruction, people end up doing things like not taking the applicator off, or putting the tampon in an incorrect or uncomfortable position, all of which can lead to pain or leakage.
I completely understand that it’s awkward for parents to talk to their child about the correct way to put a tampon in. As one respondent wrote: “Sex-ed teachers should demonstrate that process like they do with putting on condoms.” Giving your child some sort of instructions and/or a diagram would also be helpful. Older siblings are also a great resource, because there’s an element of authority also more of a friend than parents or teachers. If you’re reading this and you’re someone who menstruates, consider talking to younger siblings about periods and putting a tampon in! It’s much less intimidating to hear that sort of information from someone close to their own age.
Tampons and pads are the most common products people learn about when they first get their period, but there are other options that some people aren’t aware of. Products like menstrual cups, period sponges, and cloth pads are reusable and more comfortable for some people, as well as being less expensive in the long run. As people rush to explain periods and back away from the subject, valuable resources can be overlooked. It’s never too late though! If you or someone you know menstruates or will menstruate, educate yourself about all the options out there. Everyone’s experience of getting their period is different, so it makes sense that tampons or pads wouldn’t work for some people.
As a society, we need to become more comfortable with the concept and existence of menstruation. Conversations about them are becoming more mainstream, but there’s still a long way to go. To sum up, I’ll end this article with a quote from Vahni Kurra: “I wish all girls could be told, directly and indirectly, by society that having a period is normal and therefore no one will judge you for carrying tampons or pads around. It’s part of life, and yes it sucks, but it’s never a cause for shame. You are not dirty or bad because of it.”
Image credits: Pinterest.com, love-moon-anion-sanitary-napkin.com, assets.feministing.com