My whole life has been dictated by the stereotype that women should be cute. I’ve talked about it when I’ve written about body image; I’ve felt it when talking to boys, and now I’ve re-experienced it in light of recent events.
I never got involved or interested in politics until college. I considered myself an activist, sure, but events near me seemed incredibly distant from the large terms that I learned in my history classes. I watched the Schoolhouse Rock video about how a bill is made, I memorized the different branches of government, and can broadly boast that Rutherford B. Hayes went to Kenyon College.
And if Trump had never become such a frontrunner and the consequent president-elect of the United States, I am not sure if I could have had the same change of mind. I do know, however, that many girls my age share the same opinion. Maybe it is a disinterest due to the history of discrimination against women in politics, or maybe it’s a lack of representation of women in politics. But I have another theory.
Men like to argue. Surprisingly, so do women. I love to argue. Growing up with two parents who were lawyers, I learned how to argue well. I knew that “I don’t feel like it” wouldn’t pass as a plausible argument. Even though I still frequently lose, I still formulate strong arguments when I want something.
My mom is a strong woman. I learned a lot from her growing up, about how to raise my voice when I feel as though I’m not being heard, about how to bend the rules so I can benefit, about how I am not lesser because of my gender. I think a lot of girls would benefit from learning from my mother. Because although I have been fortunate enough to grow up instilled with the notion that having a loud voice and strong opinions are good, not everyone else has.
I can’t remember the first time I truly realized that being a strong woman was unattractive. It came in waves, like in 8th grade when it was cool to go to the mall and walk around with guys for hours doing absolutely nothing. I wanted to talk to the guys, get to know them, crack jokes with them. And yet my quieter, girlier friends were the ones that they would kiss in the movie theater.
Later, it came in high school. I became extremely social-justice oriented. I ran for my temple’s youth group and then regional youth organization’s Social Action Vice President position. Through this position, I helped educate tons of teenagers my age about issues that I thought were eye opening and important.
Often, this new awareness was positive. It translated to me teaching my parents about what it means to be a trans person, or what all the different letters in LGBTQ+ mean. It helped as a camp counselor, teaching young girls how to love themselves, guiding them into themselves so that they too could grow up to become powerful young women. Other times, it had an uglier drawback. Boys were turned off by the idea of a loud girl telling them her opinions.
Look at Hillary Clinton; when I asked my friends why they were pro-Bernie over Hillary, their response often was that they wished she would be more transparent. Tell a woman to speak her mind and she’s too harsh, tell a woman to be more passive and she’s hiding something. It’s a double standard that doesn’t translate well.
To be fair, this has been changing. Artists like Beyoncé, Nicki Minaj, and Emma Watson have helped show that, yes, you can be smart and opinionated and strong and beautiful and successful. Because we are strong, and we are tough.
But then we get Trump as President; evident proof that you can speak your mind (loudly and rashly) and say horrible things about women. Not only will nothing bad happen, but also you will get rewarded. And all that happens is that it gets translated to “locker room talk.”
I know horrible things have happened because Trump has become elected. There are people of color whose lives are being threatened, queer people scared of losing their rights, swastikas on buildings all over the country. I could go on and on about my feelings about all of that, but I’ll save it for another article.
What I want to focus on is this: how can we continue to raise girls to be empowered, strong women when girls across the country just learned that our country isn’t ready for a woman to be in charge? How can I continue to tell my campers at camp that their ideas are valid and that their voices are strong and beautiful, and if you are naturally quiet that’s fine but that has nothing to do with your intellect or gender? How can my female friends feel encouraged to delve into the world of politics when the most qualified female politician was just given the middle finger to half of the country? How can I feel control over my body when we still have this horrible double standard, when my rights are being dictated due to religious opinion? How am I supposed to feel encouraged to continue being an activist when it isn’t seen as “cute” or “attractive” to be an angry feminist?
I don’t want to stay quiet. But frankly, it’s hard to live in a society that discourages my voice, and the voices of women all around the world. If my opinion means anything, I don’t think that it’s unattractive to be opinionated. And I’m going to continue spewing my opinions, and hoping that one day it won’t matter whether it’s cute or not to be political or active.
Image credits: Giphy.com