I’ve performed my whole life. I like being a part of something bigger than myself, and partly because I like attention (ain’t no shame in that). You could imagine my shock when I realized just last week that I have performance anxiety, otherwise known as “Stage Fright.”
I was in class and I had to recite an article summary in front of the room. No big deal; I’ve spoken in front of my whole school before, so I can surely talk for two minutes in front of a 25-person class.
I get called up and I can feel my heart racing. I prepared to read off the google doc on my phone, and as I recited the first few words, I felt my chest tighten and my muscles shaking. I could no longer concentrate on the paragraph before me. I then became keenly aware of the audience’s gaze and the light that seems to be fixated on me.
I try to continue, drumming up all the knowledge I acquired from the three years of public speaking classes in middle school, but my brain felt like someone took all the neatly filed information and threw it up in the air and said “F*** You!”
I looked back at the summary, trying to find my place, but it just looked like a bunch of jumbled up words. My anxiety heightened.
I kept my head down, trying to get through the presentation with the rest of my ego intact.
That experience transported me back to my eighth-grade production of Wizard of Oz. I was playing Glinda the Good and was in the middle of my dialogue with Dorothy. Dorothy said her infamous line: “I’ve a feeling that we’re not in Kansas anymore,” and I just stared blankly back. I couldn’t remember my next line. My anxiety rose and my brain refused to recall what I was supposed to say. Instead, it focused on the sea of eyes, the uncomfortable seconds of silence, and the blinding spotlight. In that panic-stricken moment, I improvised and I blurted out “KANSAS IS A PART OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.” It was mortifying.
I don’t understand why I got picked to be Glinda. I couldn’t (and still cannot) sing very well and I wasn’t (and still am not) good at acting, although at the romantic age of 13 I thought I was great at both. Of course, this was before I realized I had performance anxiety and before I realized I’m partially tone deaf.
When I learned that I was tone deaf, I quickly accepted that a life on Broadway is not the life for me. However, when I realized that I have performance anxiety, I couldn’t accept it because I really do like performing. I didn’t want to live in fear of it, and I’ve been successful at it before. I’ve danced on stage, I’ve competitively cheered in packed gymnasiums and I’ve publicly spoken to a whole auditorium. However, there have been times when my anxiety threatened to swallow me up in front of a crowd, like when I had to present in front of class last week. These thoughts had me question, What does performance anxiety really mean? Is this normal? What are the symptoms and why do they occur? Why were some performances different from others? Are there ways to mitigate my anxieties? Will I ever get over performance anxiety?
I decided to do some research.
What Does Performance Anxiety Really Mean?
According to Anxietycoach.com, performance anxiety, otherwise known as “stage fright,” happens when “you focus on yourself and your anxiety, rather than your presentation or performance. It stems from a tendency to resist and fight your anxiety, rather than to accept and work with it. It’s the result of thinking of the performance situation as a threat, rather than a challenge.”
Is it Normal?
Heck yes. It’s the most common phobia in the United States. Even the most experienced athletes, musicians, actors, and public speakers get performance anxiety. None of them are immune to performance anxiety.
What are the Symptoms and Why do they Occur?
When you’re thrown in front of an audience, your body reacts the same way it would if you were being attacked. In both situations, your body “fight-or-flight” mechanism is triggered, which is why symptoms of stage fright are similar to symptoms that occur when you are in real danger.
According to WedMD, Such symptoms include:
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Racing pulse and rapid breathing
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Dry mouth and tight throat
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Trembling hands, knees, lips, and voice
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Sweaty and cold hands
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Vision changes
Why were Some Performances Different from Others?
For this question, I had to unearth some more cringe-worthy performance memories and compared them to my successful ones. I realized that I was at my best when I practiced the most. I couldn’t allow myself to stand in front of a podium addressing the whole school without reading my speech 100 times. I practiced when I would pause, when I would look at the audience, etc. On the other hand, when I had to recite the summary in front of my class, I had minimal preparation, thinking that I could just “wing it.”
Dealing with performing is like dealing with people: the more time you spend with a group of people, the more comfortable you are; the less time you spend, the more on edge and self-conscious you are.
Are There Ways to Mitigate My Anxieties?
(Some methods are adopted from WedMD and Anxiety Coach)
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Be prepared: practice, practice, practice.
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Limit caffeine and sugar intake the day of the performance
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Eat a sensible meal a few hours before you are to perform so that you have energy and don’t get hungry.
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Focus on what you’re offering the audience, whether that be valuable information, a new perspective or entertainment, rather than yourself and your fear
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Don’t focus on what could go wrong. Instead, visualize your success, like the audience laughing and cheering, and you feeling good.
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Disengage yourself from what you’re delivering. Remember, the audience is not interested in who is playing the piece or talking about the topic, they’re pretty much only interested in the piece or the topic itself.
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Practice breathing exercises that lowers your heart rate. Meditation is a good way to harness that valuable technique.
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Move your body! Take a walk, jump up and down, shake out your muscles, whatever you think will put you at ease before the performance.
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Connect with your audience—smile, make eye contact, and think of them as friends.
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Act natural and be yourself!
Will I ever get over performance anxiety?
Performance anxiety will always be present to some extent; however, it doesn’t have to consume you. The more you understand performance anxiety and master the techniques to help mitigate such feelings, the more control you can have over it.
Although I’m not cut out for Broadway, you’ll probably end up seeing me on some sort of stage. I love conveying ideas to people, entertaining and rising to the occasion. My personality simply refuses to let me hide behind the shadow of my fears and failures. I got real in this article by telling you some of my most embarrassing moments, so I can no longer be a slave to them. Yeah, I have performance anxiety and it sucks, but I will get better, one class presentation at a time.
Image Credit: Chatty Maddie (edited by Juviand Rivera), Vision and Hearing, Giphy, Small Biz Trends, What Should Theatre Call Me on Tumblr