This summer, I found myself in front of the Ohio Statehouse with two white friends and absolutely no idea what to do with ourselves at a youth march against police brutality called “This is the Truth!”. I had heard about the event on Facebook and I decided that it was time to stop posting about racial injustice and actually do something about it, no matter how far out of my comfort zone it took me. In this case, it was pretty far. Looking around at the 100 or so primarily African American students who had clearly done this before, I thought that my friends and I looked out of place. We lacked the colorful signs that proclaimed “Black Lives Matter” and, more importantly, we lacked the melanin that would have made us targets of the police brutality we had shown up to protest.
I felt like a fraud. How could I scream against injustice the way the young black girl with the megaphone did as she spoke about her uncle being shot on the street? How could I march alongside people who faced discrimination daily in a way that I would never experience, purely because I had been born Asian instead of black? All of these concerns quickly melted away, however, when I began talking to the people at the march. All of them were passionate about this cause that affected them on such a personal level, and they were even more excited that people of other races were invested in their fight for equality. Pretty soon, my friends and I were chanting along with the rest of the crowd as we marched down High Street, determined to make our voices heard.
With new laws restricting which bathrooms transgender people can use and protests against police brutality escalating into violence, it can be difficult for allies of minority groups to determine what is the best way to support their friends and family. Going to that protest helped me realize that while being an ally can sometimes make you unsure of yourself, it’s still important to reach out to oppressed members of society. Here are some things to know for allies wanting to support those people in their lives that need it most.
At the march in Columbus, OH in front of the Statehouse on August 1, 2016.
1. Educate yourself.
In order to be an ally, you need to know what you’re an ally of. Start by looking up the historical and current context of the obstacles minorities are facing. You can’t understand Black Lives Matter without understanding the preceding civil rights movement or the implications of Obergefell v. Hodges without knowing the civil lawsuits that came before it. Great resources for learning more about minority issues include Everyday Feminism and the Black Lives Matter website.
2. Get involved!
Reading and posting Facebook articles is not enough, however. In order to really understand the issues that African Americans, Latinx, LGBTQ+ and other minorities are facing, you need to actually talk to people from these groups. Each person’s experience is unique and you can only begin to understand the larger issues by talking to individuals. For example, the pronouns that one transgender person chooses to use may not be the same as the pronouns another genderqueer person chooses. Some knowledge can only be gained by building strong relationships that encourage open discussion. A great way to start these relationships is by going to club meetings held by the Black Student Union, Unity House, Adelante, Sisterhood Kenyon and other minority organizations.
3. Ask questions respectfully and appropriately.
This is a major part of being an ally. Without asking questions, there is no way to move past personal ignorance and get to a place of mutual understanding. However, it is important to be respectful and aware of how your questions are phrased. Some questions can be alienating and actually end conversations about identity rather than open them up. One friend told me that as someone who’s pansexual, she feels isolated when people she has just met ask her questions like “Do you like three-ways because you’re bi?” She said that questions like these come off as invasive rather than supportive, especially when they are out of the blue and not part of a larger discussion about sexuality. If you are curious about the more intimate aspects of a person’s identity, get to know them first as individuals before prying into their private lives. In addition, some questions that seem innocuous can in fact be insulting. For example, a member of Black Student Union said that she is offended when white parents on tours ask if she likes being a black student at Kenyon. She said that although this can seem as though the parent cares for black students’ well-being, they are mainly asking to see if Kenyon is liberal enough for their child to go there. If you are unsure if a question is appropriate, decide if you would like to have someone ask you a similar question about your identity. It is also good to open discussions with questions like “Is it okay if I ask you about this?” or “Are you comfortable talking about this?”
4. Being an ally doesn’t make you part of the identity you are supporting.
Going to protests, voting on important issues, and working with social justice groups are all great ways to show minorities that you support them. However, not matter how passionate you are about helping others, you are not part of their identity’s group. You can never fully appreciate what it’s like to be black, Latino, gender nonconforming or sexually diverse unless that is actually part of your identity. Sometimes these groups need safe spaces where they can talk to other people who intimately understand their struggles as a persecuted minority, and we need to give them this space when they ask for it. This doesn’t necessarily exclude you from being in those meetings and discussions. It just means that you need to be patient and empathize with the things that people are saying rather than bringing your own concerns into the discussion. Know when a conversation is being held for educational purposes and when it is for the unquestioning support of minorities. When in doubt, the best thing to do is ask.
5. Remember that they don’t always have the answers.
We’re all only human. We make mistakes, we change our minds and we don’t always have concrete ideas about our identities. Do not expect people in minority groups to have all the answers about who they are or the reason other people of their race, sexuality, class or gender act the way they do. Figuring out one’s identity is a learning process for both you and the person you are trying to support. It’s ok for someone to now know what gender they are, if they are one at all. It’s ok for an African American person to not know what country their ancestors are from, especially since so many were brought to America as slaves without records. It’s ok for a Latina to not have a firm stance on American immigration policies. Work with the people you are trying to support and give them room to explore their own identity.
6. Get comfortable with the uncomfortable.
Bryan Stevenson stressed this immensely when he came to talk to Kenyon students last week about creating social change. You must be open to questioning your worldview and the things you thought were true. For example, do not be defensive if a transgender person corrects you for using the wrong pronoun or if a black student says that a term you are using is offensive. Also, you do not have to feel guilty for being in a position of privilege. Minority students understand that their more privileged peers did not create the systems of oppression found in America. However, denying that they exist out of guilt is just as harmful as actively persecuting minorities. Yes, having these discussions can be uncomfortable, but it is worth it if we can stop the discrimination wrought against our classmates, professors, friends, family and fellow humans.
Being an ally can seem like an uncomfortable task that might expose your own biases and lead to awkward encounters. In reality, the people you are supporting have the much more difficult undertaking. Most minority groups are happy to see that other people care about issues they are facing and want to support them as they fight against injustice. Empathy is what makes this world a better place and there is no better way to foster this than by being an ally.
Thank you to the members of Unity House, Black Student Union, Sisterhood Kenyon, and Adelante for helping me with this article.
Image Credit: Vahni Kurra, University of British Columbia, Trying to be Good