The romantic notion of the dualistic love versus hate is something many love to propagate. However, the fact of the matter is that hate is not the opposite of love. The very absence of love is actually more indicative of the overwhelming presence of fear. What does it mean to really love somebody, you may ask?
We can start by eradicating the fear that may encompass even a small part of us when we think about it.
Taking love seriously is the most impactful thing I have done, to this day. Having my daily take on the events of life-based on love is far more productive and less stressful than having them based on fear. In order to love purely and wholly, we must surrender the thought process that plagues our minds of fear of the unknown and the anticipated. We as humans have been conditioned to believe that this surrendering of love is a sign of weakness—we still, in our war and systematically oriented minds, correlate surrender with a sign of loss, or a white-flag defeat. However, spiritual surrender, while passive, is hardly weak.
It is a strength of character that many individuals lack today.
The fear of loss and rejection can and will become a self-fulfilling prophecy; therefore, think according to how you wish the outcome to arrive. How do you expect love to grow in an environment in which it is not welcome? Fearing the “inevitable” consequence of hurt will create a hostile place wherein love; namely, that of your family and relationships, will not have room to grow.
What then, is fear? When we think about love, it is a physical experience we are creating with memories and a collaborative effort with other people. When we’re not thinking with love, which is really the only true thing we can count on without fail, we’re actually not really thinking at all. We’re imagining things. Fear is an illusion—our paranoia, jealousy, anxiety, and trauma are all imagined. What is the point of focusing and living our lives by something that is not actually… Real?
Letting an imaginative, unreal force rule our relationships and decide how we treat the ones we love is something ludicrous when you consider it in the clear light of day. While examining the facets of jealousy and its ultimate root in fear, it becomes evident that the seed of jealousy, once planted, is only watered by the fear and insecurity that will plague us if we continue to live our lives in this particular harmful mindset.
It is too simple of an answer, you may say, to live simply by love and without fear. No, how can I really get rid of my unwanted, jealous feelings?
There is no real answer to anything—subjectivity is the spoiler of all how-to guides and checklists of how to make your partner into the perfect other half. However, by cutting the fear out of your approach to not just your relationship but every human interaction and mindset concerning it, and living with the assumption of love, you will not only see a reduction in your fear or jealousy, but your stress levels will greatly reduce. You can’t do this overnight, of course. Implementing an entirely new mindset takes a lot of practice, trust, and actually a good partner worthy of your emotional faith in order to fulfill a legacy of living life through a lens of love rather than clouding fear.