In high school, one of my best friends and I would make what we called Friend Goals. This was a list of people who we thought were cool and wanted to befriend. The idea behind making friend goals was to make a conscious effort to initiate conversation with the people on our list and hopefully, eventually, become friends! We made a new list at the beginning of every school year and checked in every few months to gauge our progress. If one or more of our friend goals were met during those few months, we would revise our lists. Basically, it was an exercise in how to be more social. And it worked.
Back then, I was even more introverted and shy than I am now, so talking to new people was an anxiety-inducing task. Often, my friend and I had common friend goals, so we would talk to those people together. This eased both of our nerves. Sometimes, though, I would have someone on my list that was not on hers, and this is when the real work began.
Some people have no problem with striking up a conversation with strangers (or almost-strangers). If you’re like me, however, it can be scary to approach someone you know only from afar and begin a conversation. It’s analogous to when you have a crush on someone and your pulse quickens every time you talk to them. You worry about saying the wrong thing, not being funny enough, sounding unintelligent, being rejected, etc. The same thing happens when attempting to make a new friend.
Here are some things I learned through making and achieving friend goals:
1. Don’t be afraid to talk about the weather. In other words, don’t shy away from small talk. You can learn a lot a surprising amount about someone through small talk, and one generic conversation can act as a gateway to future conversations!
2. Just smile and wave. It’s tempting to awkwardly avoid eye contact during every subsequent run-in, but you must not do this. Next time you pass someone you know (even if you don’t know them well), smile, wave, and say hi! At the very least, you’ll brighten their day.
3. It’s ok if you don’t succeed. Even if you don’t meet your friend-soulmate by striking up a conversation with a stranger, at least you tried, and that is a success in itself.
4. People aren’t scary. Remember that the girl from Calc class who you think is the coolest thing since the popcorn machine in Old Side? She’s just another person. So is that guy sitting across the room in Wiggin St., and so is the incredibly talented singer in Chamber Singers. They’re all people, just like you are, and they are probably just as excited to meet you as you are to meet them!
Not every person on my list of friend goals became my new BFF. I made a lot of acquaintances, people I would say hi to in the halls or sit next to in class. But I also formed some wonderful friendships this way—friends I would invite over for Halloween parties and reunite with when I’m home from college.
In the end, this self-improvement project was completely worth it. Not only did I make some friends, but also making and achieving friend goals in high school was great practice for college. It helped me become much less shy and more comfortable with having conversations with people I don’t know. Pushing yourself outside your comfort zone can be scary, but in the end it will help you grow. I strongly encourage everyone looking to widen their circle of acquaintances or practice talking to new people to make friend goals!