The Fluidity of Personality and Maturity

At the beginning of my freshman year, I was shy and not exactly what you would call a people-person. Now, as my first year comes to a close, and with just a little over a month left, I can say: that version of myself is no more. I’ve mentioned before how reserved and uptight I was during the first half of first semester, but now I’m someone who would and has approached random people to ask them a question or to tell them how good they look (@ Shock Your Mom). My self confidence has grown so much, and despite definitely gaining the Freshman Fifteen (and more), I have never been so comfortable in my own body.

First day of orientation (that smile is a lie—I was so nervous and not ready to mingle at all)

My first any only official job up until this point was a customer service job, and at the time it was literally the worst job for me. I dreaded talking to customers, which was literally my entire job. But, now, merely a year later, I’ll be working senior week and I’ve interviewed to maybe (fingers crossed) be a tour guide next year. And, this summer I am going to be a camp counselor for a very impressionable group of little kids. As you may have noticed, these are jobs that deal with a lot of personal interaction. Living as an independent ‘fake’ adult for nearly a year has forced me out of my comfort zone and into as close to the real world as can be obtained inside the Kenyon Bubble.The other day, I actually took the initiative to speak with my scariest professor in his office hours. At the beginning of the year, the very idea of office hours scared the daylights out of me. I didn’t have the courage to speak up in class because I thought that the seniors would think that I was unintelligent, but today, my professor literally couldn’t get me to shut up. I was so in awe of the upperclassmen who seemed to always have something intelligent to say, and I didn’t realize that I also had important points to share, even though I was so afraid of looking dumb or being incorrect. Part of growing, both intellectually and emotionally, is being incorrect and that’s okay.

At this point in the year, I am able to look back on decisions that I’ve made, and I know that I was too immature to have made a responsible decision, but, like they say, hindsight is 20/20. I am by no means a perfect image of what a high functioning adult should be. I am still deathly afraid of the dark, and I definitely do not like to eat salad (that just seems to be such an adult food). I still like silly things (my collection of photos of dogs in clothing is still very much intact), and I cry every time I watch The Princess Bride. I don’t do my laundry as often as I should, and I believe that ice cream is a proper meal substitute. But, this is still by far the best version of me that there ever has been and I can’t wait to see where I go from here.

Image Credit: Feature, Katrina Delsante, 1, 2