Character development is something almost all of us want to achieve, and while everyone can work on it at any stage of life, college presents a fantastic opportunity for it. There is something refreshing about no one at Kenyon having witnessed my evolution in the past 18 years. And this has nothing to do with who I was before I came here—I am essentially the same person I have always been. I simply arrived with the goal of being myself and then saw the opportunity to make updates. As my friend Rebecca put it, there are pieces of me everywhere. I chose to leave a few of those pieces at home in Virginia, and when I meet someone here, I watch as they construct an idea of who I am with the new pieces that I give them rather than the old ones.
The best part about reinventing aspects of yourself in a new environment is the fact that no one recognizes it as uncharacteristic of you. Family and friends from home, those who know me best, have been surprised to hear about some of the healthy risks I’ve been taking, but my new friends at Kenyon accept it without question. In high school, I hardly ever went out with friends without having completed my homework. I was a chronic over-study-er and always played it on the safe side. Schoolwork was at the forefront of my mind far more than life ever was. These are the key things that I decided needed to change when I came to Kenyon, and so far, I’m on track. I have found a greater balance between my studies and doing other things that I love, like spending time with friends, writing, and playing the piano. Most surprisingly, I’ve given myself a greater margin for risk-taking by putting consequences in perspective. A few weeks ago, some of my friends described me as “bold,” which is quite frankly a trait I never thought I would see in myself.
When you recognize a positive characteristic in someone and mention it to them, they will most likely continue expressing it, because they suddenly understand that you expect it of them. I am no exception to this rule. After ten weeks of altering slight aspects of myself, some even unnoticeable, I have given my new friends a specific set of expectations for who I am, what I value, and how I act. Navigating these changes and upholding new facets of myself can take conscious work, but it’s fun to watch my evolution. One of my favorite poems by Jorge Luis Borges, “You Learn,” encourages the reader to “plant your garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.” This is the spirit with which I undergo my character development. I plant new varieties of flowers and tend to them in my mind, hoping that this garden of mine always grows, knowing that I can plant any new species at any time, if only I choose to do so.
I encourage you not to wait for someone to bring you flowers. In other words, don’t rely on other people to decide what shape your character development takes. They may encourage you to keep it up by mentioning traits they’ve observed, but ultimately, you must be the one to decisively develop those traits. Lastly, character development is inherently positive, but only you can decide what constitutes the best version of yourself. The closer you can come to being the best version of yourself, the more comfortable you will feel in your own skin. I’m not sure this is a kind of work that ever ends—it’s just a constant improvement, and that’s what counts.