Caroline Hesse

Name: Caroline Hesse
Hometown: Sayville, New York
Birthday: April 3, 1002
Year: 2014
Major: Religious Studies
Relationship Status: Single
 
In reference to your recent hair changes, what’s it all about, girl?
I wanted to do it, but it’s really tiring being the girl with pink hair. So it only lasted two weeks. But kudos to the girls who are rocking pink hair right now, ‘cause there are a bunch of them, and it looks great.
 
What are your thoughts on James Franco?
Babe. He has perfect symmetry.
 
MFK – Harry, Ron, Hermione.
I’m not a Harry Potter person at all. I guess I would kill Harry ‘cause someone’s gotta do it. I would F Ron Weasley, and I would marry Hermione ‘cause she’s a strong female.
 
Who would you rather slap in the face – Tom Cruise or Charlie Sheen?
Tom Cruise because I respect Charlie Sheen’s eccentricities. I think that he’s upfront about them. Tom Cruise isn’t.
 
Kat O’Hara wants to know something naughty that you’ve done.
How recent?
 
Any time.
For like three days, I stole a t-shirt from my roommate’s boyfriend, but I ended up giving it back. It was a Boondock Saint’s t-shirt. Very funny, Kat.
 
Claire Buss wants to know what you think about monochromatic clothing and color and design in fashion.
I wore an entirely orange outfit yesterday, so I’m big into monochromatic clothing. I’m tired of florals. No more florals.
 
Describe your charm in five words or less.
I guess it’s a mix between kind of “relaxed, very laidback” and maybe sometimes a little hostile. I don’t know if that’s charm though—I think that’s my personality. Wait, no, I have it: “feminine but not girly.”
 
Which member of Outkast do you admire most?
Andre. Oh yeah.
 
Why?
He has this flamboyance to him that I really like, and he does a track with Beyonce. He’s way better than Janelle Monae.
 
Would you have rather been in the Backstreet Boys or *NSync?
Which one was— Backstreet Boys. Brian, so hot.
 
If you could spend a day in the brain of three to five different Kenyon students or professors, who would they be and why?
Great. I would like to spend a day in the brain of Peter Falls. I feel like there’s a lot of stimulus, things firing at once. That would be exciting. I’d like to spend a day in the brain of Sandy Stibitz, she’s fascinating. And I’d like to spend a day in the brain of Lindsey Corbett because she’s super smart but also sometimes thinks like a sixteen year old girl. I wanna spend a day in the brain of that kid who runs everywhere. I don’t know his name, but he runs everywhere.
 
If you were offered an internship this summer to be a video ho for Ludacris, would you accept it?
Yes! Lindsay Lynch and I were watching music videos one day, and we were trying to see where we would be in each music video. And in every music video, I was the girl in the backyard puking into the bushes. I wanna be that ho.
 
What kind of pizza would you spend the rest of your life with?
They have this slice at a pizzeria in my town called the Brooklyn, and it’s cheese and then sauce on top, so that the sauce doesn’t get the bread soggy. It’s a Sicilian slice.
 
Does your love cost a thing?
Hell yeah.
 
Would you rather your sneezes sound like a cash register opening or an elephant trumpet?
Cash register, definitely.
 
Do you have a signature dance move?
Yeah. My legs don’t move at all, but you just have to swing your hips as far to the sides as you can.
 
If you could perfect any dance move and adopt it as your signature, what would it be?
I’d probably pick something with a lot of footwork. The heel toe. I highly suggest you Youtube it.
 
Who was your first on screen crush? Be honest.
Johathan Taylor Thomas. He was one Home Improvement, such a babe.
 
MFK – Jar Jar Binks, Clippit the Microsoft Office Assistant, Tupac Shakur’s hologram.
You can’t kill Tupac’s hologram; I’d probably end up marrying it. And then kill the paper clip. And then, I guess, get with Jar Jar Binks, but I’m not really sure who that is. (I then show her this picture http://media.giantbomb.com/uploads/0/7148/232980-jar_jar_binks_large.jpeg at which she screams.) But maybe he knows some cool alien tricks, so it won’t be that bad.
 
Closing comments?
I’m so bad at interviews.