On July 25th of 2013, I had Lumbar spinal fusion surgery. My L5 (a vertebrae in the lower back) was fractured and in order to be put out of excruciating pain, I chose to be operated on.
My first real ‘incident’ occurred while in the hospital, about five days after the actually surgery. A really cute, young male nurse walked in. Apparently, I thought a man would be attracted to a un-showered, newly operated on, drugged up self. The majority of the words I spoke were unable to be understood by the general public. But hey, scars can be sexy, right?
My Nanna had just brought me homemade tapioca pudding that morning and now instead of a really grumpy underpaid elderly woman, I had, what I thought was a possible date on my hands. (Funny how delusional medication can make you.) But, five days post-op I was feeling pretty hot. The nurse had just sprayed some dry shampoo in my hair and I had those Blake Lively beachy waves going. Courageously, I offered him some pudding. The next thing I remember is waking up an hour later, having spilt tapioca pudding all over my hospital gown and body. When I called for the nurse on duty, in walks pretty boy. He managed to pull me up to standing, half naked in a hospital gown, pudding dripping down onto the floor. Our relationship became intimate pretty quickly when he had to wipe chunky pudding from all over my body and butt. The next nurse I got was a 65 year old man who smelled like burnt hot dogs, and finished off my grandmothers pudding for me….and I didn’t even offer it to him.
My doctor made it very clear I was to walk a mile every day after leaving the hospital. Instead, I stayed in my dark room, curtains drawn, watching the entire three sessions of Game of Thrones in two weeks. I consumed Cherry Garcia Ice cream, chocolate pudding, and smoothies for four weeks. Occasionally, I would walk to the kitchen when I ran out of Powerade and my mom couldn’t hear me or wouldn’t pick up her phone for a refill.
Life back at Kenyon has been tough. If you know me, you know I won’t let you do a damn thing for me. When I dropped my pen in Greek Art today my professor tried to pick it up, I nearly knocked him over with my cane in my refusal to let him help me. I can do it myself. Sure I can’t drink or dance, but I can still go out with my friends and laugh just as hard as they are.
The first Friday night out on campus and a group of girls and I were heading down to the Aclands. A freshmen boy, far too intoxicated and about five inches taller than me, decided to rest his arm on my head, and thus all of his body weight. I would estimate an extra 180 pounds was pressing down against my spine. I looked at this young boy who had probably just had his first beer and I went on a rampage. I threatened to make sure he understood just how much spinal fusion surgery hurt. I’m five foot two, so it may have been an empty threat, but I find myself to be pretty darn intimidating.
So, what should you do if you run into me on Middle Path? Remember this. Sure, it takes me a little longer to walk up the stairs to the library and sometimes I form sentences that make absolutely no sense, but I can do it. Most individuals who undergo lumbar spinal fusion surgery stay in the hospital for three days and return to work after 4-6 months. I am 19 years old and was in the hospital for six days and returned to Kenyon 4 weeks after I was released from the hospital. I will never ask for your help because I’m the type of girl who believes in herself.