Food is great to eat, right? Even better is when you can use food to brighten up your sex life—those damn gourds and colorful peppers are gonna be really, really helpful and look reaaaally, reaaally different after you read this article.
1. Use twizzlers as a way to help your S.O. orgasm
Using your hands and tip of the twizzler, stroke bae’s body, making sure to hit those sensitive spots, like the tips of their ears and their left toe. When bae is about to reach, you know, that ~*special*~ time, seductively eat the twizzlers in a way that will make them go absolutely craaAAazy.
2. Make yourself a DIY bikini that bae can literally eat off you for foreplay.
Screw coconut bras, and opt for bras made of bell peppers. Construct underwear from cabbage or something else leafy, like spinach—that way, when bae is eating this off you, they can get all the nutrients they need!
3. Whipped cream from a can.
Obviously it looks sexy, and there’s nothing better to amp up sexy time than a cold, sticky thing being sprayed on you! Plus, you gotta shake that can. Move your butt to the beat of how you shake it, twerking as you spray it everywhere. Movement is key.
4. Eat only aphrodisiac foods for a week, like this girl.
You might feel sick to your stomach, but at least you’ll be hornier!
5. Impress bae by swirling your tongue over a large, musk carrot before sexy times.
Show bae you’ve got a talented tongue, and gently drag your tongue over a nice, thick carrot before you embark on a sexual wonderland fantasy with your sweetheart. Right before sex, eat the ENTIRE carrot so you have energy to go all night looooong
6. Stack onion rings on bae’s private areas, then eat them off.
This gives the BJ a whole new approach. Not only are you pleasing bae, but you’re also pleasuring yourself by eating lots of yummy fried food that you TOTALLY deserve after a long week. This will only work if bae has, you know, a penis, but you can get creative if bae doesn’t. Hey, onion rings can be placed everywhere on the body. Get creative.
7. Trace where you want your S.O. to touch you by placing your snack of choice on those parts of your body.
It’s just like incentivizing yourself to study by putting gummy bears on your textbook, but this naked version is just a little more fun. We advise using goldfish on your sweetie, because goldfish are the snack that smiles back. You and bae will definitely be smiling by the time you’re done.
8. Take some maple syrup and pour it over bae’s private parts.
Before going down on bae, make sure to sweeten those spots with some fresh, sugary maple syrup, and momentarily become a wild, sex-crazed moose as you lap it up from bae’s body. You’ll make Canada proud by the time you both finish.We hope these tips help you and your S.O. really get into some new and exciting ways of smooshing. If you have any questions, mail us letters and include a large bag of sour patch kids and chocolate, because I’m PMS-ing and that shit sounds really good right now.