This article is part of a series on Her Campus Kenyon called “What Empowers Me.” Keep checking our site to read more articles about what makes our staff writers feel empowered!
I consider myself a strident feminist, a lover of independence, and an empowerer of women.
I’ve also been in a committed relationship with someone I love for nearly a year and a half.
To many, there is a contradiction here. I’m young, I’m in college. I’m tied down, I’m limiting myself. I understand this perspective, and it’s an opinion I shared prior to college and to this relationship. However, the Valentine’s Day season has prompted me to think more about the ways my romantic relationship empowers me as much as my individuality does. Below are four of the ways being in a long-term relationship has empowered me and made me a stronger woman over time.
1. I know when I’m doing something for me and when I’m doing something for others.
I think that this sentiment is shared by many women in long-term romantic relationships, and being able to differentiate between actions of self-interest and those intended to please other people. I know when I’m dressing to please me, I know when I’m thinking about what my significant other likes to see me in. I don’t dress to attract others; I have always avoided this, but it is something I couldn’t help but think about when getting dolled up to go out, especially if I might run into a potential love interest. When I go out, nine times out of ten it’s because I really want to dance with my friends, and I’m fully aware when it isn’t.
2. I know how to view things objectively.
Being hopelessly in love is not typically conducive to objective thinking. Being in close proximity to someone you care about can be difficult when thinking about what is best for you and your significant other in the long run. Sometimes, the best course of action is taking a mental step back and looking at situations as if I am completely uninvolved (this may be easy for some, but it’s very difficult for me). Because I’m in a serious relationship, this is something I’ve had to do countless times for both my partner’s sake and my own. However, thinking objectively in my romantic relationship has helped me improve objective thinking in other aspects of my life. While objective thinking is a mindset, it’s always been difficult one for me to settle into.
3. I know my worth, and I don’t settle.
I don’t consider myself a girl who settles, but being in a solid long-term relationship has changed my standards for other relationships as well. In past friendships and even more professional relationships, I have settled for disrespect or discomfort because I was uncomfortable asking for change, because I was scared of damaging the relationship, or because I didn’t know how to demand the respect I deserve. Having a significant other who treats me like a queen has caused me to evaluate other relationships that don’t make as happy. While romantic relationships should be a source of joy, I’m a firm believer that platonic relationships should make you just as happy. My long-term relationship has reminded me how happy I can be in all of my relationships and has encouraged me to seek it.
4. I live a fuller life.
This may seem like a contradiction, but being in a long-term relationship in college has helped me live a fuller life. Specifically, finding a significant other or a hookup isn’t something I think about particularly often. I feel a if that has freed me from the ties of hookup culture, something that was a primary interest of mine in high school. When I’m with my friends, I feel I’m more present because I don’t wonder what my significant other is thinking of me the way I might an ambiguous hookup or a love interest. I’m a strong individual, but I am a lover of affection. Being in a happy, healthy relationship has freed my mind of the stress of finding someone to validate me by being with them. Being romantically fulfilled and has drawn my focus away from romance, allowing me to be completely present in what I do, when i’m doing it. No experience is as unique as love, but I hope that each love is as empowering as my own, even if it is felt differently. Love is empowering whether it’s for a person, a hobby, a skill, a dream—where there is love, there is passion, and passion is the queen of empowerment. I hope that your Valentine’s Day is filled with empowerment, no matter where you find it.
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