“When I was your age, I was X pounds soaking wet,” my mother would say whenever I asked if we could get Dunkin’ in the morning. At my age, my mother would also apparently subside solely on carrots and cigarettes, while simultaneously being the most desirable bachelorette in Miami.
Admittedly, I did have a snacking phase in high school. But, in my defense, I was a three-sport athlete dealing with the stress of a mosquito of a woman micromanaging my diet. Later, in my senior year, when I went on to develop an eating disorder, my mother lauded me for “how cute” I looked in the leggings that no longer clung to my body. For her, the consumptive beauty standard never went out of vogue. And I was merely her accessory.
Unfortunately, there are many such mothers in a world fraught by diet culture. These so-called “almond moms” have become a prominent topic on social media platforms like Twitter and TikTok. And their stories are told by daughters like me: kids who just wanted a damn donut.
I have since moved away from my mother’s reign of dietary terror, but her voice still echoes in my head in the dessert line at the dining hall and on spontaneous Chipotle runs with friends. While I am still navigating my own relationship with food, I have learned how reclaim one of the most primal and vital aspects of my life:
1. Distance yourself from your mother.
Yup, mommy dearest’s calls might have to go unanswered. This is the hardest pill to swallow on this list, but it is also the most important. You are not obligated to associate with a toxic parent. We should spend time with our parents because it brings us joy; and if it doesn’t, we should step away. Frankly, you do not have to entirely isolate yourself from your mother, but perhaps excuse yourself around the topic of food.
Accept that it is not your duty to fix her, only yourself.
2. Address the elephant in the room
Even more uncomfortable than the last tip is confrontation. I know, we all hate it, but it is healthy. Control the conversation. Say, “Hey, Mom. The food that goes into my mouth has absolutely no bearing on your life, so I would appreciate it if you refrained from commenting on it.” Chew on that, almond mom.
3. Reclaim yourself
So often, we determine our self-worth through the comments of those around us, particularly our relatives. Stop it. Start to value yourself in your ability to find joy. Sometimes, there is joy in a carrot or almond. Often, there is joy in a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. And there is joy in so many other things than food and your body. Don’t let others be the arbiters of your happiness.
4. Be the change
Go to the grocery store and buy the “bad” food. Give your mother some exposure therapy. Eat it, loud and proud. And show her that you are still her child, regardless of how and what you choose to eat. Nothing will change if you don’t.
While almond moms represent a daunting creature in our our modern health-and-wellness space, they are conquerable. We, as the next generation, must set our own narrative and settle the generational war of the pantry.