2018 has been nothing short of a whirlwind for me. I graduated high school, traveled overseas, survived my first semester in college, and got my first real job! That being said, I am excited to see what 2019 has in store. However, I went through a lot of emotional and physical changes this year, and because of that dealt with a lot of personal change.
I am a planner. I love nothing more than planning and organizing and scheduling. I decide on my outfits the night before, I enjoy meal prepping, and I absolutely love to make to do lists. My 2018 did not go according to plan at all, and I’ll be honest when I say it cost me a lot of my sanity.
For starters, I never would have imagined myself at Kent State getting a fashion merchandising degree. As happy as I am with my program, it is the literal opposite of what I thought I wanted at the beginning of 2018. While changing your mind is perfectly normal, my planning self struggled with the switch.
Also, let’s all just be honest and admit that the first semester of college is nothing short of crazy. I’ve always been an independent person, so I thought I was ready for college. Maybe I didn’t struggle with living on my own and doing my own laundry, but I definitely struggled with the emotional uprooting that college brings.
College forces you to completely start over with your life, and look into the future where you will be a real person on your own. It takes you away from the people who have supported you. It takes you away from your everyday routine. It takes you away from the bubble you’ve lived in your whole life, especially if you go out of state. If anyone tells you they didn’t struggle, change personally, or question their life decisions their first semester, they’re lying.
In addition, I’ll admit to shaming myself a lot in 2018. Self-acceptance, specifically in terms of how I look, has unfortunately never been a strong suit of mine. Combined with the transition from high school to college, my confidence level declined even further in 2018. I like to think of myself as a generally positive, happy person. However, all these changes, plan alterations, and emotional shocks took a toll on my year. I had some of the most exciting moments of my life that should have made me even more happy, but they got overshadowed by how I reacted to change.
So, the main goal for 2019 is to not have any goals and to be okay with not changing anything about myself. I need to be okay with not planning my entire life out, because things change all the time. I need to love everything about myself, for exactly as I am right now. I need to be aware that there a lot of things in life outside my control, and sometimes there’s nothing I can do to change them.
Not making a resolution is okay, it doesn’t mean you are lazy. By not having a resolution this year, I am being more proactive about my life than ever. I am training my mind to be more in the moment, to be more aware and accepting of change, and to be more ready to tackle any curveball that is thrown my way. I suppose you could say that by having a goal to not have a resolution, I technically have a resolution. However, this kind of resolution is different; it forces me toward a more gracious and optimistic life outlook. I am so hopeful for what 2019 has in store, and am ready to face the good, the bad, and the ugly.
If 2018 made you feel like me, don’t be discouraged. Just be ready for the change the year will bring, and don’t make a resolution that will fight against it. I know I will probably still struggle this year, but I also know I’ll make some amazing memories. By not making a resolution, I welcome the uncertainty that the new year brings, and I can work with it to have a terrific year.