Are extroverts favored over introverts? It’s a question I often find myself asking. I have always been a pretty introverted girl, and that’s not something that can change overnight. There are many bad stigmas associated with being an introvert that I feel don’t get pushed on extroverts.
Many questions and comments are commonly directed towards introverts, such as “Why are you so quiet?” and “You’re alone too much. Don’t you get lonely?” Yet extroverts are never asked why they’re so loud or if they get tired of always being around people.
So, why are introverts seemingly held to different standards? Why are extroverts allowed to be completely and totally themselves, while introverts are judged for doing the same?
Now, I will preface by saying that I used to be significantly more introverted than I am currently. I’ve met wonderful groups of people since coming to college who have allowed me to come out of my shell without forcing anything on me.
I am still an introvert, though. I tend to feel drained after being in crowded environments or spending long periods with even a few people. I cherish my alone time, and I think that’s okay. We all deserve to take some moments for ourselves. So, why are there so many negative connotations surrounding introversion?
I feel it could be due to societal biases. In many social and even professional contexts, there lies a favoritism for extroverted personality traits. People often mention that my lack of conversation, particularly when initially meeting or getting to know me, gives me an intimidating and unapproachable appearance.
Some have gone as far as to mention they thought I was rude or even mean when they first met me. From my point of view, I wasn’t speaking because I had nothing to say. The more time I spend with a person, the more I will tend to open up and be more talkative, but upon first meeting a person, I tend to only speak when spoken to. This is partly because I tend to enjoy deeper conversations.
This is exactly my point though. Viewing introverts through this social bias can lead people to misunderstand them, and even end up judging them harshly when they don’t deserve it.
Studies have shown that extroverts have more potential to be successful professionally. This has allowed extroverts to seek more advantages in education and the workplace. In an eye-opening article, author Kathy Caprino explains a situation that took place regarding her son. In one of his college classes, it was a requirement not only to attend every class but to participate in every class by speaking up and contributing to the class discussion; his grade heavily depended on it.
Now, for some, that may not be seen as an obstacle. But for someone like me, or Caprino’s son in this case, new ideas can be hard to think through sufficiently to feel they are worth sharing with your entire class. Societal, educational and professional contexts impose pressure to conform to more extroverted concepts.
I have felt a constant pressure to be more extroverted from a young age. Susan Cain, a Harvard Law School graduate, shared this same idea and more in an interview with The Guardian in 2012. Cain notes that the most crucial institutions to our development (the education system and even professional settings) cater primarily to extroverts and their need for stimulation. Cain is proof that introverts are not to be looked down on.
In January of 2013, Cain released a book titled “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking.” It quickly became a bestseller. Caprino mentions some key points in her article.
Within the novel, Cain explains how she had previously seen her own quiet and reserved nature as a liability and something she should overcome. She went as far as to say she even felt shame and humiliation for being introverted.
Her perception shifted when she started investigating introversion as a personality trait and discovered that what is often seen as a weakness is actually a strength, one that most people, especially educators and business managers, do not recognize. According to Cain’s definition, introverts prefer quieter environments with minimal stimulation, while extroverts seek out a high level of stimulation.
So, I hope any introverts out there can take this as a sign that they do not need to change. I also hope that any extroverts will think before they jump to conclusions and potentially judge someone for being quieter than they are.
I will leave you with this: I have never rushed to judgment about someone for being too loud or talkative. As I noted earlier, however, I have experienced a strong sense of judgment directed at me when I don’t say much upon first meeting someone; it’s just something to think about. We all have our own way of handling life. Just because your approach is not the approach taken by most people does not mean it is incorrect.