During National Suicide Prevention Month, the National Alliance on Mental Health is encouraging the sharing of stories and resources in hopes of shining a light on this ever-so taboo subject. So that is exactly what I plan on doing.
First off, no I have never attempted suicide nor have I experienced suicidal thoughts. This makes me one of the lucky ones. I do, though, suffer severely from multiple mental illnesses. But, I have been affected by suicide…multiple times.
In high school, my best friend, who I’ll call Jane Doe, attempted suicide around four times if my memory is correct. Two of them stick out in my mind.
The first one that sticks out happened so suddenly it seemed. My mom and I were on our way to pick up Jane to go to dance practice when all of a sudden I get a text from her saying, “I’m not going to dance, I’m on my way to the hospital.” That was it. I didn’t hear back from her for three days. I know she was dealing with mental health issues, but I didn’t realize to what extent. I remember checking her Tumblr to see if I could get any answers, or if she was posting anything that would help me understand. She eventually texted me back after the three days she was on a psychiatric hold. She told me what happened and really, that was that. We continued on as if nothing happened. I look back now and think this was a good and a bad reaction. On one hand, we moved on but on another we never really did.
The second time that comes to mind really isn’t an attempt, but it was the lead up to an attempt. We were in her room with our other friend. When kinda suddenly Jane gets up and starts to search around her room, our other friend and I just kind of sat there watching her confused. I remember asking her, “What are you looking for Jane?” and all she did in response was shake her head ‘no’ then continue doing whatever she was doing. She eventually started pinning things to walls and writing letters. She was completely out of it by this point. She eventually told us she was leaving “clues.” Somehow probably hours later we got her back to reality and all was fine, but I don’t wanna know what her ultimate plan was that night.
So, why am I telling these stories?
Awareness. Yes, today we are seeing more mental health awareness in the media but a lot of times it’s manufactured bull that isn’t real. What is real is getting a text from your best friend and not knowing if they are dead or alive. What is real is looking at your best friend and knowing that they are not comprehending anything you are telling them. That is real.
According to the CDC, more than 45,000 lives were lost to suicide in 2016 alone. That figure doesn’t account for the attempts. We need to treat this as seriously as we treat any other health condition because people are losing their lives to their mental health.
So, what can you do?
First off know the signs,
According to the National Alliance on Mental Health, some warning signs of suicidal thoughts include:
- Increased alcohol and drug use
- Aggressive behavior
- Withdrawal from friends, family and community
- Dramatic mood swings
- Impulsive or reckless behavior
Also, know the risk factors. If you or a friend has experienced trauma recently let them know you are there for them. Others include:
- A family history of suicide
- Substance abuse
- Access to firearms
- A serious or chronic medical illness
- Gender
- A history of trauma or abuse
- Prolonged stress
- A recent tragedy or loss
The Mayo Clinic lays out some questions to start a conversation:
- How are you coping with what’s been happening in your life?
- Do you ever feel like just giving up?
- Are you thinking about dying?
- Are you thinking about hurting yourself?
- Are you thinking about suicide?
- Have you ever thought about suicide before, or tried to harm yourself before?
- Have you thought about how or when you’d do it?
- Do you have access to weapons or things that can be used as weapons to harm yourself?
Now when asking these direct questions, you want to make sure you establish that they are in a safe space and no judgment will be passed. Make sure you are sensitive, but not scared. Yes, it is scary to be in this situation but the last thing that person wants is to have to be the strong one at that moment. Be their everything at that moment.
Finally, know the numbers:
The National Suicide Prevention Hotline – 800-273-8255
The Trevor Project Lifeline – 1-866-488-7386
The Trevor Project Text Lifeline – Text START to 678678
Emergency Services – 911
If you are someone you love is experiencing any suicidal thoughts or actions, please, reach out. I know you may not believe it at this moment, but you are NOT alone and it WILL get better.